On and on, and two steps ahead...

Last blog post

2007-03-01T14:23:00.000-06:00

First of all, I don't consider myself a blogger. This is primarily because I'm not socially active within the online blogging community. Sure, I've got blogging friends, but their participation is far more regular and deliberate than mine. This is a bit of a role-reversal for me, since I'm a very social creature personally. But this does not translate in the online world. Unfortunately, my online persona MUST ensure my personal anonymity. Yes, I know that many bloggers are anonymous and VERY social, but my personal cloak of secrecy protects my livelihood, and I fear that sometimes I've crossed the line in my stories of "Life in the Big Box."

So, with this post, I bid all (5 or 6) of my readers adieu. However, with this ending comes a sort of beginning. Although tales of my personal (and thus professional) life will end here, my commentary on all things "Web 2.0" will continue. Underground Media: Reloaded has officially launched, and I think there will be some good things down the pipe. UM was previously a podcast that I did with my good buddy Wxman. UM: Reloaded will be a blog with running commentary on peer2peer, downloading, social networking, broadcatching, podcasting, new techie gadgets, open source, and probably some other stuff. It will also contain links to the new Underground Media podcast. The new podcast will be MUCH more brief (10 minutes), and will feature my weekly updates along with semi-regular commentary from Wxman. The blog should be active if you're reading this, but probably not quite finished yet. Let me know what you guys think!

Signing off....

--Akshun J

P.S.

I MAY still update this blog. OCCASIONALLY! That's my story and I'm stickin' to it...

OSCARS!!!

2007-02-25T15:48:00.000-06:00

We're off to Oscar night with Richmond and Wxman! I missed this event last year due to my hectic work schedule. But now that *I* make the schedule, I made certain that I would be attending this year. Wine, food, friends, hot actresses wearing next to nothing. What more can you ask for? My early favorite is The Departed for Best Picture, and Children of Men for Best Original Screenplay. If these don't happen, I'm staging a protest. Also, that last Will Smith flick should win something. Everyone said it was pretty awesome. Updates later on!!!

CARNIVAL!!!

2007-02-21T18:19:00.000-06:00

Suffice to say that it was a GREAT weekend! Our Brazilian friends took us out for Carnival (Madison's version, at least), and even though I didn't have any time off, I STILL went out.

Yeah, a real hardship. Tons of hot Brazilian women wearing next to nothing who greeted me by KISSING me!!! Yes, KISSING! It was AWESOME! Our friends decided to dress up my scientist wife for the occasion. So, she walks out wearing a bikini halter top (baring the midrift) and low-rise jeans! I swear I felt like I was cheating she was soooo hot that night. I love debauchery! I love women! I love BRAZIL!!!

Yeah, it was kind of like that...

The BEST retail tales! - Part 1

2007-02-11T19:32:00.000-06:00

As promised, here is part one of my favorite holiday retail stories. Okay, so this first one is post-holiday. It doesn't make it any less funny.

A couple of weeks ago, one my customer services reps comes running up to the manager's bridge.
She's all big-eyed and out of breath. BIG overreactor, this one.

S: Dude, someone's unwrapping stuff in the women's bathroom!

Me: (tiredly) You sure it's not a tampon or something...

S: SERIOUSLY! They're STEALING something. RIGHT NOW!

Me: (a little more seriously) What do you think it is?

S: I don't know, but I'll go back and find out if you want.

Me: (Finally realizing that something serious was going on) Go, and I'll let LP know.

So, she goes back to the bathroom and returns to the LP stand with TONS of empty CD and DVD wrappers. But our perp had gotten away. We were all pissed. A blatant thief in our midst, but we hadn't moved fast enough. As the night wore on, S would not let the issue go.

S: Can we call the police and give them her description? I saw her! I really did! And she was STEALING! From US!

Me: No, S. We don't have her on camera, and you didn't catch her in the act.

S: What if she comes in again? Can we just arrest her?

Me: No, S. And she'd never be stupid enough to come back in.

Or so we THOUGHT.

The next morning I came in to find that S had asked our product manager to show the video of our perp to EVERY SINGLE EMPLOYEE in the hopes that she would show up in the store again so we could bust her. Well, at least everyone knows what she looks like, I thought. But she'd be nuts to show up again.

Three hours later, I was walking the floor with R, our sales manager. Suddenly R's head whipped around to the right and I was almost choked by the cloud of whirling blond hair.

R: That's HER!

Me: Who?

R: HER! The....the....lady. The....thief.

Me: From last night?

R: YESSSSSS!

Me: How do YOU know, you weren't even...

R: I saw the video this morning! I remember because she looked so......plain. Mid-40's, white, female, plain clothes...

Me: Oh. Oh sh*t! Let's get moving!

So we broke into teams. One tracked her from the monitor at the LP desk, and the other followed her unobtrusively through the store. We watched her LITERALLY FILLING her bag with dozens of CD's and DVD's. She was just grabbing items at random and STUFFING them in her bag! It was almost surreal. The cops arrived as she was making her way into the bathroom. She just walked to the door, looked both ways, and entered. This lady had a pair of brass ones! The cops (three of them) surrounded the bathroom and waited for her to come out. Waited 30 MINUTES!!! R and S were both looking at the monitor at one point and S asked, "What the hell is taking her so long?" "She's got to unwrap over 40 items and then stash them back in her bag. That's at least an hour job," I replied. It still was rather surreal to me. After a few more minutes, the police busted in, cuffed her, and walked her to our security office. After a while, they asked me to come in.

Cop: We need an exact account of what she stole. A receipt.

Me: Okay. Just put everything in this basket and I'll ring it up.

Cop: (Starts to put items in the basket)

Crazy Thief Lady: Are you the general manager?

Me: (SIGH) Yes.

Crazy Thief Lady: PLEASE don't press charges! I'm sick! I'll NEVER do this again.

Me: (to the cops) Is this everything?

Crazy Thief Lady: PLEASE! I'll do ANYTHING!

Me: (to the cops, again) Is this everything?

Crazy Thief Lady: PLEASE! PLEASE! I'll do anything. I can help you!

Me: (to the cops, for the final time before I walked out) Is this EVERYTHING?

Crazy Thief Lady: I can help you! I can. I help people.

Me: (staring a hole through the cop who was sifting through cellophane)

Crazy Thief Lady: I've helped BLACK people! PLEASE!!!

Me: (my head jerked up to face her, and the room fell silent. Dumbfounded, I responded in my best Scooby Doo voice) Rooumph?!

Ahhhh, a great night.... AND great movies!

2007-02-04T21:38:00.000-06:00

After working six-day weeks for the last two weeks and coming through a killer holiday season, I finally have two days off in a row. I downloaded some movies, poured some wine, and wrapped my arms around my sweetie for a true movie night. And it was EXCELLENT. -20 degrees outside, but inside with our space heater and blankets, we were snug as bugs. These are the days I live for. Or work for. Or both.

Anyways, on to the movies. To start, I'd like to thank the good people over at MovieX for hosting some QUALITY movie torrents. Notice that I said they hosted torrents, NOT actual movie files. That's the beauty of P2P. No one's really responsible for anything! It's awesome! As a side-note, if the MPAA doesn't find a way to deliver cheap broadband content without all the DRM bullsh*t, they are going to find themselves in much the same boat as the music industry REALLY soon. Bittorrent is just about at the level where non-geeks are willing to try it. Remember Napster? When the non-geeks embraced it, there was no putting the genie back in the bottle. But, I digress...

First up is Pan's Labyrinth from the creative mind of Guillermo Del Toro.

Del Toro's body of work as a director is not particularly impressive. Mimic (giant bugs), The Devil's Backbone (WWII Spanish ghosts), Blade II (pure nonsense), and Hellboy (mildly interesting). He's always seemed to me as if he's just about to peak with his next movie. And Pan's Labyrinth is this movie. Like the Devil's Backbone (which was previously my favorite movie of his), Pan's Labyrinth is also set in Franco's fascist Spain. A little girl who's obsessed with fantasy books is pulled into a entire fantasy world. But all's not cupcakes and sunshine for our heroine. Her world is VERY dark. Almost as dark as her crumbling real life. I understand that it's nominated for a crapload of academy awards, as it should be for EXCELLENT cinematography, a wonderfully original script, and great acting. Maybe not for the younger kids, but 12 or so and up should be okay. But, remember that I don't have kids and I might be a sh*tty judge of this stuff.

Next flick up is The Prestige. You see, there are three acts to any magic trick.
The Pledge - The magician shows the audience something ordinary.
The Turn - The magician does something extraordinary to the ordinary thing.
The Prestige - The magician brings back the ordinary thing and shows the audience that everyone's safe and sound.

Or some such thing. This is Hugh Jackman (aka Wolverine) and Christian Bale (aka Batman) starring in Chris Nolan's best flick to date. It's a thinker with sooo many twists and turns that we had to pause the movie every few minutes to discuss what just happened! And since it was a Chris Nolan film, all the scenes were COMPLETELY out of order. I LOVE movies like this! Did I mention that Scarlett Johannson (and her ample cleavage) was in it? Seriously, she is phenomenal. But that's another discussion. The movie was great, but it moved in at the bottom of my top ten list when it introduced Nikola Tesla as a character integral to the story. I have been fascinated by Tesla ever since I saw a Tesla Coil at the Griffith Observatory.

I can virtually recite his entire life story. You may not have heard of him, but every time you turn on a light or plug in an appliance, he should be remembered just as quickly as Edison. It's a fascinating story, and it was great to see his character in the Prestige. Tesla died penniless and insane, and the movie alludes to the fact that he is aware that his obsession will ultimately drive him over the edge. If you're in the mood for a really engaging thriller, or you just want to see Batman and Wolverine fight, check it out!

UPDATE: Here are two Youtube videos showcasing Scarlett's phenomenal rack!

Here' my favorite. I think this guy is gay so he gets a free squeeze pass.

Google Earth is the coolest...

2007-02-04T00:29:00.000-06:00

What is Google Earth? Only the single coolest free program out there. Yes, I am a Google-groupie. They are a big company, but they support open standards and seem to welcome competition. As much as anyone is capable of welcoming competition, but let's just say they're no Microsoft.

About a year ago, I downloaded the linux version. VERY impressive. I could find the house I grew up in. I played with it for a few weeks, but ultimately got bored and forgot about it. Recently a new version came out, so I gave it another test drive. Blown away!!! My wife's hometown of Corozal, Belize has almost perfect detail where before it was only a blurry spot!

And I'll be there in six weeks!!! With -20 degree temps in WI, THANK YOU Google Earth for a warm preview!

More Doom...

2007-01-30T00:03:00.000-06:00

MF Doom is my new favorite artist. At least for now thanks to Last.fm. It's funny to me that the underground artists I used to listen to in high school didn't drop off the face of the earth. They just grew up and adopted different personas. For instance, Doom used to be Zev Love X from the group KMD. And to most readers, you're probably wondering who the heck KMD was. The tie-in is the group 3rd Bass. Ring a bell now? Good. 3rd Bass sort of introduced KMD. Unfortunately after one album KMD disappeared.

And then, I rediscovered MF Doom. (The MF stands for Metal Face. Read all about him. Seriously, his story is interesting.) His style is a RADICAL departure from his KMD days, but in my opinion, he's grown leaps and bounds as an artist. His beats sample everything from opera to hard rock. And his rhymes are a mash-up of 80's TV including superhero cartoons, sci-fi shows, and even some quality Sesame Street. My favorite album is his collaboration with Dangermouse, The Mouse and the Mask. It's a send-up of everything on the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Hilarious! Here's another video. Love the Youtube...

Vista's coming

2007-01-24T20:42:00.000-06:00

I haven't used Microsoft Windows at home for about six years. But, I run a Big Box retail store. So for 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, I live in a Windows world. No problem. I can adapt. And I don't avoid Windows because of any hatred for Microsoft. It's just too hard for me to make Windows do EXACTLY what I want it to do. Before I started using Linux, I used to think my computer was possessed! A bunch of crap in the system tray, auto updates, spyware, adware, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria! Now my computer is quite well behaved and does as it's told.

So, life in the Big Box has been quite busy with the impending release of the latest version of Windows. Vista promises............well, it promises everything. Personally, I think that's going to be the problem. But, like a good boy, I am recommending it to everyone. And I don't have a problem with this since most people need Windows. Much like the Matrix, people are not ready to understand that they are not in control of their own computer. And you can't just "unplug" them. So, until the great Free Software revolution, I'll just keep recommending Vista.

A funny article I read started me on this stream of consciousness. It's called, "10 reasons you should get Vista." The tenth reason is hilarious:

"10. Face it, you have no choice - When Microsoft brings out a major renovation to Windows, you can choose to ignore it for a year or two, but then the device drivers start drying up for older versions of Windows, your friends start asking questions about their new PC that you can't answer, and even if you use Linux, you'll inevitably need familiarity with Microsoft's latest interoperability blockers. Face it: your arse belongs to Redmond."

Ain't it the truth...

Tape it off the internet...Or just use Zudeo!

2007-01-21T21:14:00.000-06:00

TV shows on the internet. This is what I'm always talking about, right? Especially considering that I don't have a TV. So I was surfing through some articles provided by the good people over at TorrentFreak, and I found a rather interesting one on social broadcatching. The author literally gushed over a new beta website called............wait for it.........Tape It Off The Internet. Yes, that's the name of the site. Very Gen-X, right? I was instantly attracted. I bounced over only to find that it was an invite-only website. I requested an invite and proceeded to wait. For three months. Then, last week, I got a little email asking me to come visit. So, I did. What did I find?

Not what I was looking for. It's a clunky, clumsy attempt to turn the bittorrent experience into Youtube or Last.fm. The difference is that when you want to get the goods, it literally bounces you out of their site and into somewhere else like the Piratebay or Mininova. Their premise is that early adopters and TV fans like myself will sign up, post cutesy group messages about our favorite TV shows, and be really happy that the powers-that-be at TIOTI have conveniently linked the torrent for the show to their website. And on top of that, the torrents aren't even accurate! Four future episodes of Smallville are linked to Spanish-dubbed versions of Season 1 of the show! Give me a flippin' break.

I know. I know. It's still beta. I'm being hard on them. And you're right. It is, and I am. But I submit to TIOTI that they are trying to fix the wrong flippin problem. The PROCESS of getting bittorrents is still too geeky, and it represents a significant barrier for average people to actually use the internet for watching TV. I thought they were trying to make the PROCESS easier, and that the social aspect was the icing. In reality, the social part is the only thing that they're focusing on. Users still have to download and install Azureus, forward a port, tweak their firewall, and yadda yadda. And geeks will remain the only people watching TV from the internet.

Or perhaps an average user will stumble upon something pretty cool when they try to figure out how to download Azureus. They'll discover Zudeo!

THIS is what TIOTI should have been. And I didn't have to wait three months for it! Basically Azureus took it's client, gave it a pretty makeover, tied it to your web browser, and put up a social site not unlike TIOTI's. But they make it EASY to get the content! That's the trick. And the site's a LOT less clunky. And they support linux. 'Nuff said.

Actually, one last rant. The thing about TIOTI that really sticks in my craw is all their shouting about how EASY everything is. I actually had trouble figuring out how to even navigate the site, much less download a torrent. And then, I'm constantly being bombarded by their flash animation and AJAX bullsh*t. Guys, clean up the site, make it easy to navigate, and accurately link to the content without ejecting the user into the hostile waters of the Pirate Bay. Maybe you'll make some money. Maybe.

Great Movies - Children of Men

2007-01-11T22:11:00.000-06:00

One of the things (among many) that suck about living in Wisconsin is that we don't get limited release movies. That's an honor reserved for L.A., New York, and Chicago. Sure, I could drive the three hours if I wanted to, but that's not the point.

Two REALLY good genre flicks came out in December, and I had to wait a stinkin' month to see them. Incidentally, they both come from Mexican-born directors who collaborated with each other on one of the films. The first movie is Pan's Labyrinth. Guillermo Del Toro, who took the helm of the Blade franchise (check my avatar) and Hellboy, doesn't have a great track record. But I have to say the movie looks sweet. Maybe the last two Blades were just practice, right?

And Del Toro got some help from Alfonso Cuaron on this one. Harry Potter fans will recall that Cuaron is the director that finally did a proper job of translating the book to the screen. Chris Columbus is retarded, but that's just my opinion. Cuaron's Prisoner of Azkaban cut out the fluff and got right to business getting the best performances out of his actors and keeping the script tight. His latest Children of Men was PHENOMENAL! It currently occupies my TOP TEN list, which is no easy feat. Cuaron's flick is set 30 years in the future, but in the vein of sci-fi luminaries like Rod Serling, he's able to unswervingly slice and dice our
current society, laying bare our hopes, struggles, and ultimately our failures.

What if humanity suddenly became sterile? That's the question. And 30 years later, what if a single woman became pregnant? Doesn't seem like a classic sci-fi plot but just think through the implications. Ultimately, the plot is incidental. The sideways glances at life in this world is the real treat. It's us......run amok. All over the course of a couple of decades. If you see any movie in 2007, see Children of Men. And no, it's not for kids.

So you want to know how to use Bittorrent???

2006-12-27T17:45:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I'm sure it's on your top ten list of things you want to fiddle with this holiday season. By the way, I'd LOVE to blog about some of the cool holiday retail stories I have, but right now I'm just too mentally exhausted to rehash them. The one about the man who broke his iPod but wanted to exchange it because "who knows how it got broken" is particularly humorous. Look for this one soon. Thieves are also fun. Especially when I catch them...

But on to the bittorrent fun. Bounce on over to the good people at TorrentFreak. They've got a tutorial roundup on bittorrent. Right now, during the lowest productivity week of the US economy, there are close to 1.5 million torrenters using the might Azureus client. And that's just ONE client out of a dozen. Total torrent traffic has got to be over 5 million in my opinion. So what are you waiting for? Bootlegs and obscure TV shows await you!

Adult Swim and MF Doom

2006-12-20T12:26:00.000-06:00

I'll have a future blog post about BOTH of these items in the near future. Oddly they collided a couple of times. Most recently in a new CD that Doom collaborated on with similar artists for Adult Swim. Here's the result. For fans of hiphop, this is something COMPLETELY different than you hear on the radio. For non-hiphop fans, well, let's just call this eclectic...

Madvillain - Monkey Suite

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Last.fm

2006-12-11T14:49:00.000-06:00

Last.fm is the coolest. If you're a music fan, you've got to try it. Although Wxman will not give it his stamp of approval, I STILL recommend it. Wxman has not used it enough to see the beauty. Just today, I was longing for the sounds of Caroline's Jazz Bar on the East Side. But I'm too lazy to take my ass the 45 minute drive out there. So, I type the tag "hard bop" into my Last.fm player, and voila! John Coltrane is playing on my system. That's the new hotness. Go there now!

New blogger?

2006-12-11T14:38:00.000-06:00

So, I migrated to the new beta version of Blogger. I'm a HUGE Google fan, so I try to use all of their beta stuff. Mind you, I'm not a Google groupie, just a fan. Gmail literally changed the face of email. Google's homepage uses ajax and has cool content. Google Earth is too much fun to use. And their online word processor is better than sliced bread. But I've always thought Blogger was the red-headed stepchild. So, when I got the chance to migrate to the new beta, I jumped. I ALWAYS roll the dice, for those of you who don't know me. No guts, no glory. No risk, no reward. Yes, I'm drunk. An overly sweet Zinfandel, for the curious.

Anyway, I am underwhelmed by the new Blogger. I can't see the difference... Maybe Google needs to leave the blogging to other players. Nobody's perfect...

UPDATE! - 1/21/07
Okay, the new blogger is cool. Waaaay faster, more stable, and easier to use. Daddy like. But there were a few bumps in transitioning. Nothing time didn't fix, though. Good job, Google...

Great Movies - 28 Days Later

2006-12-02T12:40:00.000-06:00

"See this is a really sh*t idea. You wanna know why? Because it's OBVIOUSLY a sh*t idea." --Jim, 28 Days Later.

Since Mr. Ugly here is the post immediately preceeding this one, perhaps I should elaborate on why I think it's a cool flick. 28 Days Later, that is.

First, I think that American horror is dead. It died sometime around Exorcist 3, with the occasional paddle-induced resuscitations from a Hellraiser. Thus, it's been up to the Japanese, Koreans, Chinese, British, and Aussies to pick up the ball and run. And they've all done an admirable job. I'll do a blog about Asian horror later on, but let's just focus on the British for now.

Sometimes it seems like foreign film-makers pay more attention to American classics than Americans do. 28 Days Later was as close to the perfect zombie movie as anyone who is not George Romero could have done. And, there were no zombies in it. Just "infected". Yes, a zombie movie with no zombies. You'd have to see it. 28 Days Later has it all; great characters, awesome cinematography, solid story, and horrific, gory, and splatter-filled moments of pure violence. Can you beat that?

UPDATE! - After watching the trailer, I remembered the movie more clearly. This is actually a really AWESOME flick, horror or not. Danny Boyle did this movie; the man who gave us Trainspotting and Shallow Grave (another couple of my favorites). The character development is top notch, and the story is so compelling that you can't turn away for even a second. And the music is pretty cool. Give it a watch!

I HATE WINTER!

2006-11-30T01:27:00.000-06:00

Remember the rage that infected all of London in 28 Days Later?

Yeah, that's how I feel about winter in Wisconsin...

Why fatherhood terrifies me...OR Great Movies: Big Fish

2006-11-30T00:43:00.000-06:00

I just ate a bunch of spicy wings and weak beer, it's 12:45am, and I need to be at work by 8am tomorrow morning. So, I'll be brief. But I had to get this out...

I don't want to unload on my children what my parents unloaded on me. Wounds can seamlessly transcend generations as children who are hurt grow up into parents who pass the scarring on to their own children. At some point, things have to stop. I wasn't abused or anything as a kid (in the legal sense of that word) but I'm definitely going to be a different kind of father to my kids than my father was to me. Today, I believe I can do this. A few years ago, I wasn't so sure. I was so unsure of myself, that I doubted whether I should have kids at all. But my wife has helped me to understand that parenthood for both of us is important for dozens of reasons I'm sure I'll go into in a future blog post. She has faith that we'll do a good job.

I agree with her, but sometimes, my unresolved feelings towards my own parents resurfaces. And along with them come my doubts about my own parental abilities. And that brings me to my movie choices tonight. Both deal with the love/hate parent issues, and both strike an emotional chord with me. Especially Big Fish.

I'm an occasional Tim Burton fan. Beetlejuice was a masterpiece, but Planet of the Apes and Sleepy Hollow?! So I was skeptical about Big Fish, especially as I went to see it with my mother. But the experience was incredible. One of the reasons I am SUCH a movie fan is that on rare occasions theater will rise to the level of quality literature or fine poetry. Sometimes I can walk out with a glimmer of personal clarity. This was one such occasion. And, although my mother was probably in her own world reliving some unresolved issue with her own parents, I think I left the theater understanding her just a little bit more than when we walked in. Anyone with parents should see this movie. Anyone with parental issues should ABSOLUTELY see this movie. AND, it's family-friendly.

Igby Goes Down is the second one. And I rethinking whether I should have included it. It's not a favorite of mine, but it still gets at my parental conflict focus. It's like an average-ish film version of Catcher in the Rye, but with a Culkin in the lead role. Far from a classic, but still worth a watch if you get a chance.

Now if you'll excuse me, now that I've purged, I've got to sleep. I've got to pwn noobs in the morning.

I TOLD you I'm not crazy!!!

2006-11-28T17:46:00.000-06:00

When I tell people that I don't have a TV, I usually get a blank stare. And they can't phrase a follow-up question, because my initial answer, "I don't have a TV" absolutely befuddles them. Those who know me also know that I am an avid TV show watcher. A contradiction? I think not. Only, how do I do it?

Internet TV. Also called, broadcatching. I have a dedicated server in my basement that does two things. Scours the internet for my favorite shows, and serves them up to my HTPC in the living room. It's basically TV on-demand, if you can deal with waiting up to a day after the show airs, as well as less than optimal quality. For me, it's a "good enough" solution. Especially since I think cable is rotten. A billion channels, and all I watch is seven or eight regular shows? For eighty bucks per month?! Not for me...

Most people think I live the uber-geek lifestyle. "TV on the internet?!" they say. "YES!" I respond. And I'm not the only one...

Here's a clip from a Family Guy episode that I just watched tonight...

A wii-ley good workout!

2006-11-26T01:26:00.000-06:00

Couch potatoes, beware. The Wii is coming for you. Honestly, this could revolutionize the American fitness industry...

Geek Girls!

2006-11-22T12:26:00.000-06:00

The good folks over at CNET have listed the Top Ten Geek Girls of all time. A few are fictional silly characters, but there are a few cool notables. Rosalind Franklin is my personal fave... Something about geneticist chicks just gets me. Wonder that I married one, right?

I leave you with a neat youtube video. I have been watching clips of Craig Ferguson from the Late Late Show. I never see the show, but through the magic of youtube, I get to see the highlights. His schtick is pretty funny, if you like popcorn humor. Here's bit about how everybody loves the motorboat. hehehe.

Cool and funny...

2006-11-01T14:16:00.000-06:00

Battlestar Galactica is the coolest show on TV. Observe the Season 3 trailer:

This cut-scene from G4 TV is friggin hilarious! It proposes to be a deleted scene from Return of the Jedi, tying togther stuff from the recent prequels.

TV is about to change...

2006-11-01T10:24:00.000-06:00

I know, I know. I keep saying this. And I don't even have a TV, right? But the revolution is underway. It happened first with music. Remember Napster? No, the first underground Napster, not the piece of shite commercial site that it's become. It was a direct response to market demand that music be made available online, on-demand. iTunes quite comfortably filled the market void after Napster was shut down. But not until Apple computers brought the recording industry to it's knees with it's "Rip, Mix, Burn" campaign. Even though Steve Jobs is the Devil, I still have a soft spot in my heart for him.

And now, downloading TV shows is all the rage. Along with my broadcatching system, I gave my HTPC a face-lift and installed the latest version of Freevo! My TV on-demand just got a little sweeter. And did I mention that it costs me only the price of my high-speed internet connection? Maybe I'll post some screenshots later on...

Undergound Media is back on track!

2006-10-21T23:16:00.000-05:00

New and improved with EXTRA protein! Underground Media #4 - "We came, we saw, we kicked it's ass!"

And our blog is now officially tricked out with plenty of Odeo goodies... Enjoy, and your regularly scheduled Akshunj blogging will continue tomorrow.

UM is back?

2006-10-21T02:36:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah. Wxman and I are about to rock your world with some podcasty goodness. Soon, my friends. Soon...

My TV On-Demand (An update - SUCCESS!!!)

2006-10-08T12:43:00.000-05:00

Remember my TV-show on-demand solution for my HTPC setup? Well, IT WORKS!!! I just finished watching the season premier of Battlestar Galactica on my DLP projector, and I didn't have to do ONE GEEKY THING other than turning on the computer and pressing play. I'll leave the review of the Galactica premier for another day. Too much good stuff!

Who needs Tivo when I've got.......Free Bittorrent RSS TV Downloader. FrittssTVer. Got to work on that name... Maybe I can make a hardware appliance that does this? And maybe I could sell it? Hmmm. The possibilities...

*****UPDATE:
Darn, someone already came up with a name. It's called Broadcatching and this guy uses it with his Xbox Media Center.

So, maybe my hardware idea is a little late to the game. I tried using the Xbox as my HTPC a while ago, but there's no HDMI output, and if you want to run the Xbox Media Center, there's a little matter of cracking open the case and soldering to break Microsoft's iron-clad DRM. But the screenshots are dead sexy.

I'm still working up to a full-fledged media center, but I'll get there on my own. That's half the fun!

Web 2.0, baby...

2006-10-02T13:26:00.000-05:00

Well, well, well. Three blog entries in as many days. And I was JUST having a crisis of blogging faith. That's what a day off will do for me. So, I'm sitting in my home/office trying to find ways to enhance my non-television entertainment experience. And drinking pomegranate wine. Yes, it sounds fruity, but this stuff is no joke. I've been really experimental in my wine-drinking over the last few months. Pomegranate is only the latest in a series on non-traditionals that I'm enjoying. My wife's going to be PISSED when she comes home today and I've finished the bottle. Oh well, maybe that will inspire me to get off my ass and go to World Market for more. Yes, I'm drunk.

So, I download my television shows. No TV, no satellite, no cable, no nothing. Just high-speed internet. Really high-speed, actually. 5Mb down/500Kb up. BLAAAZZZING!!! Sorry. The trouble is that I have not really reached that level of Tivo functionality with my Home-Theater PC. I still have to break out the geek-skillz and manually search and download the shows I want. This can take some serious time, and sometimes I'm lazy and just want to watch something. Well, I just fixed that problem by using the Web 2.0.

So, I'm sure someone's too lazy to read the wikipedia link. I'll briefly explain. The Web 2.0 is simply the concept that all of your programs and data will ultimately be offloaded as a service to remote machines connecting via the internet. For instance, I don't store local RSS feeds on my computer anymore. I use Google Reader. Thus, I can keep up with my favorite blogs at home, at work, on vacation, at Starbucks, wherever. Similarly, I have been regularly listening to my own personalized internet-radio station via Last.fm. I've got plenty of music on my system, but this way I hear a steady rotation of new stuff that I usually dig. So how did this fix my TV issue? Hmmm, there's really a lot of geek-speak coming up. Basically, it's the same principle as a podcast. Your podcast client subscribes to an RSS feed for a particular show. Each week, it auto-downloads the show, you sync your ipod, and boom, you're good. Well, TV shows ain't quite legal to trade on the internet. But that hasn't stopped a similar service from evolving. TvRss is the feed provider. I use their client to subscribe to the feed of shows I like (Smallville, Galactica, etc.), it auto-downloads the newest bittorrent file each week, and then auto-launches my bittorrent client and downloads the TV show. Bottom-line is that I no longer have to screw with it. My regular shows are ready to go for me every week, and *I* get to decide when I watch them. One step closer to TRUE TV on-demand.

On a related note, Google's Web 2.0 offerings are pretty cool. Obviously, I'm using Google's Blogger. But there's also Gmail, Google Reader (RSS), Google Bookmarks (and a Firefox extension for a local bookmark sync service), Google Calendar, and a pretty cool personalized home-page powered by AJAX. Google also supports linux and open standards, so they've got my buy-in... Did I sound like a commercial just then???

More retail tales (now that I've inspired myself)

2006-10-02T00:23:00.000-05:00

So, a month or so ago, a former child-actor walked into the store. I won't name him on this blog, but I will use some clever pseudonyms to protect the guilty. Let's call him Darren Gold. He was on a TV show in the 80's called "Rescued by the Alarm." His character's name was "Scream." So, if you don't know who I'm talking about now, you probably wouldn't even if I used all the real names...

(He's somewhere near the top of this picture.)

So anyway, Scream walks into the store like he owns the place. But the former GM of my store had already briefed me on his inevitable visit, so I was prepared. You see, he hates to be called Scream. HATES it. I think he attacked a woman once who kept calling him the name in public. I kept this tiny bit of information in my hip pocket. A trump-card of sorts. Yeah, I was going to enjoy this.

I actually met him once before; he and a few of his fellow child-actor cohorts. I think it was at a Johnny Rockets in West LA. I was 15 and hanging out with my first girlfriend. I remember because she was literally drooling over one of the show's male leads (no, not Scream). I remember thinking that they lived in such a different world than mine, even though we were only a few feet apart.

And, here was Scream once again. Only a few feet away, but this time we weren't in Hollywood. He was looking around the store, searching for a familiar face. I think at one point a long time ago he was raising money for a charity, so we gave him a discount on a bunch of things. This escalated to some personal purchases, and so on, until we were regularly giving him a discount for absolutely no reason at all. Now I don't fault the previous GM. I had ridden this tiger before, and it's tough to get off once the first discount is given. But again, I was looking forward to this. I was so excited, it felt like things were going in slow-motion. He stopped to ask an employee something. I could almost make out the words, "Who's the new GM now that T's gone?" The employee wordlessly pointed at me. I saw Scream's eyes follow the finger, and land on me. And he grimaced. Like he'd just sucked on a lemon. Oh yeah. To understand my disdain for the man, catch up by following some of the links and conversation on this forum. (I don't want to link directly to his page.)

So, he ambles over with his cart full of goodies. As he approaches, all 124 of my employees looked over, drew a breath and held it. Would I bend over and take it like a good boy? Or would I call Scream by his real name and tell him to get the f*ck out of my store! You could cut the tension with a knife. But *I* knew what I was going to say...

Scream: Hi. I hear you're the new GM now.

Me: Yeah, T moved out to Kansas City.

Scream: (Offering me his hand) I'm Darren. Darren Gold. I'm one of your best customers.

Me: (Shaking his hand) Akshun J. Good to meet you. Best customer, huh?

Scream: Yup, I think I spent close to 30K over the last 90 days.

Me: More like $300, Darren.

Scream: Uh, huh?! What'd you say?

Me: $300 over the last 90 days. I looked you up when I saw you come in. T told me all about you.

Scream: (Smile faltering) So, she told you about the special deal we have. 25% off of everything?

Me: (With a straight face) Nope. She didn't say anything about that. She just said you liked to spend a lot on anime.

Scream: (Switching to Alpha Male mode, and glaring at me. This is a FUNNY thing to see a Beta Male try.) Look Akshunj, I want to keep spending money here, but I can't afford not to get my discount.

Me: If you can't afford this stuff right now, I could try and sign you up for our Big Box card...

I could hear muffled laughs and coughs all around me. I was earning some SERIOUS street-cred with my employees right now...

Scream: (Now openly scowling) I've been shopping here for....

He trailed off as his pregnant girlfriend approached. He immediately calmed down and introduced her. We chatted like old buds for a few minutes, and then I said my goodbyes and made to go home for the night. As I walked away, Scream AGAIN asked me about a discount.

Me: Darren, let's make a deal. First, I get to call you Scream. Then you tell some jokes and talk in that funny voice you used on the show. Right now, you entertain me and my employees, and I'll give you the deal of the flippin' century.

That's not what I really said. I really WANTED to say it, but I didn't. Instead I said this:

Me: Sorry, Darren.

Scream: I'd hate to have to start shopping at Southridge.

Me: And I'd hate to lose your business. But it sounds like you've got to make a decision.

And I walked away to the sounds of more laughter and high-fives. I hate losing business, but I hate stuck-up self-centered, lying former child-actors even more.

By the way, which "Rescued by the Alarm" character are you?

Why I don't blog about work (or anything) so much anymore

2006-10-01T23:45:00.000-05:00

I recall that my first few blog posts centered ENTIRELY around my new job with "Big Box". At the time, I was desperately seeking some sort of creative outlet. Some way to express all of what was going on inside of my head. The truth is that I suffered a minor mental collapse at my previous job. Adding insult to injury, Wxman and I were not able to get our small business ideas off the ground right away. (No time, and no money. Go figure...) All of this together left me grasping at some way to make an impact on ........ something. I don't know a better way to phrase it other than I had something bottled up inside, and I needed to let it out. And out it came in the form of amusing stories about my new job. One of our neighbors took to calling it the "Big Box Blog", as she tuned in for a laugh every week or so. And, for the record, I like my job.

But as my commitment increased and I found myself on the career track, something changed. The blog meandered more into my personal life and thoughts, but I was also writing less. A few weeks ago I began questioning why I was even doing it in the first place. I think only a few friends and family read it. I originally had wanted to leverage it into perhaps a larger online presence associated with an e-business. But alas, Big Box now owns my life, and I blissfully donate 60 hours a week to the cause in an effort to claw my way up the corporate ladder. Work is my new creative outlet, and it's MORE addictive than the blog. It bleeds me, and I gladly submit. I just found out I am getting stock options! And now I truly understand the term "golden hand-cuffs". "It gets in your blood," my old boss used to say. He's actually running HIS own business now, the lucky bastard. Apparently his blood is now clean. Maybe there's something about the thrill of the competition that keeps me coming back. Or the fact that I can't stand to fail at anything. If I ever decided to leave, could I stand it? Or would I come back like an addict? Like I did before. I don't know. What's even crazier is that I don't know why I am still blogging. Less frequently, but still doing it. Maybe something inside me still needs to come out.

Musings on conspiracies and such

2006-09-27T23:57:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, my good friend Wxman called me and asked if my wife had forwarded him an email about 9/11 being a government conspiracy. I believe his exact words were, "Is she *trying* to get my blood-pressure going?!" Needless to say, he and Richmond had spent some time researching what my wife had apparently sent them in order to disprove whatever was in the email. I remembered hearing about some 9/11 conspiracy stuff a year or so ago, but I also did a bit of research into the claims and found that they really didn't seem to hold a lot of water. I suggested to Wxman, that perhaps the email was simply a forward from her younger brother (an active-duty army ranger) as I knew he had sent her some info on that topic recently. Apparently, he's been having a crisis of "faith" in the American government. Wxman and I talked about that for a few minutes and then we hung up.

But I was troubled by something. I left the conversation with the feeling that Wxman and Richmond (as well as most Americans) both firmly believe that anyone who would call 9/11 a government conspiracy is pretty much a nutjob in need of professional help. Similar to those who say that the Holocaust didn't happen, or that the first walk on the moon was a hoax. This is NOT the part that troubles me as I tend to agree with them. My issue is the reasoning. I believe it is the strong feelings of patriotism my friends feel that compel them to disbelieve anything other than the official version of events on 9/11. I think that most REASONABLE people, like my friends, feel this way.

However, I see patriotism through a different lens than most people. I have a strong love of my country because of the ideals that it stands for. Freedom of speech, freedom of religion, equal protection under the law, and so on. These concepts are SO special and SO precious, and I live in a country that bases its very EXISTENCE on these things. This is where my patriotism is rooted. But along with it, comes a HUGE skepticism of the government. The government has consistently, and sometimes even deliberately, violated those ideals when it was in the interest of the government to do so. Thomas Jefferson wrote that "All men are created equal" and even as the ink was still wet, he owned (and was having children with) slaves. American history is filled with examples of our own government pursuing courses of action that conflicted with the fundamental priciples the country was founded on. Some are well known like the internment of Japanese-AMERICANS during WWII. And some are not so well known like the Tuskegee Syphilis Study. I know that the government is capable of doing some damn immoral, unethical, and even monstrous things. That's ultimately why I am politically conservative. I believe in a small government that has little impact on my personal life because I distrust it.

So the question is, do I believe the government in 2001 would attack and kill over 3000 of it's own citizens? No, I do not. And I have several reasons.

1. I believe the government to be extremely inefficient, and ultimately incompetent at doing ANYTHING on a large scale. Hurricane Katrina is the perfect example of this. Are you telling me that the government could coordinate the destruction of the twin towers, a crash at the Pentagon, a massive inter-agency cover-up with no internal leaks, AND THEY CAN'T EVACUATE NEW ORLEANS?!

2. Maybe a few American officials could be convinced to participate in an attack on their own country, but not in the numbers required to pull something like this off. The one thing I learned about in psychology is that the power of the situation can compel people to do things they would not ordinarily do. Witness Zimbardo's famous Stanford Prison Experiment. But to get American government officials to commit mass murder would require an EXTRAORDINARY situation. Perhaps conditions similar to those in Germany, circa 1938. But not the US in 2001.

3. To what end? Any good crime requires a motive. What motive would our own government have to commit an atrocity such as 9/11? I have read some reasons, but none are compelling enough.

4. Occam's razor. My wife reminded me of this when she first dismissed 9/11 conspiracy theories while at her older brother's house a couple of years ago. In a nutshell, the simplest answer is usually the correct one. Did Islamist terrorists who have a history and a pattern of hatred and attack on US interests exploit the vulnerabilies of a country never before attacked by terrorists (thus not having effective systems in place to repel an attack)? Or did the US government secretly coordinate an attack on it's own citizens for reasons unknown, effectively cover it up (mostly), and launch a "War on Terror" in response, effectively sending MORE of it's citizens to their deaths? The same government whose defense department once paid $5,000 for a toilet, and $100 for a hammer? The same government that can't keep their own secret Euro-prisons a secret? Bush has got more leaks at the White House than the New Orleans levees! (Sorry.)

Most people would agree with my above points, but that's not their primary reason for believing the official 9/11 story. At least, not in my opinion. The above points are my SOLE reason for believing the official 9/11 story. I have no faith in anything other than what can be proven to me. (Let's not do the whole religion thing just now, okay?) I just ask questions.

And that brings me to my point. Questions. I fundamentally believe that it is every American's duty to ask questions of their government. Be it 9/11, Pearl Harbor, JFK, the moon-shot, or why that damn marriage penalty tax exists. Asking questions is a far cry from shouting about conspiracies. It's just an attempt to make sure total truth prevails in the end. And a government conspiracy is hardly the worst thing I could imagine, although it's the most far-fetched. What if instead of a government conspiracy, the terrorist attack was actually more far-reaching and more organized than we were led to believe? (Anyone remember the anthrax scare?) The answers to my questions brought me to the conclusion that the official 9/11 story is accurate. In my mind, any questions that linger over 9/11 more likely relate to an attempt by the government to cover-up it's own failings and inefficiencies rather a cooked-up conspiracy. But who knows for sure unless we ask questions? Not questions that seek out a conspiracy, but questions that seek out the truth. Only then will we learn lessons from such a tragedy.

And, I'll ask another question. Are we safer today?

A lesson from Jay-Z

2006-09-25T22:44:00.000-05:00

"Thank God for granting me this moment of clarity
This moment of honesty
The world will feel my truths."

Jay-Z is one of those artists that's so talented, he can afford to "phone it in" every once in a while. Much like Stephen King, they guy who gave us the Dead Zone and Carrie, but also Sleepwalkers and the Langoliers. Similarly, Jay-Z set the bar with Reasonable Doubt, but disappointed with Volume 3 & The Dynasty. But for his final act, he brought his full force to The Black Album. His self-professed final album is a hip-hop masterpiece that everyone should listen to, not just rap fans. And if raw Jay-Z is a bit too much and you want to hear some alternative spins, try Dangermouse's Grey Album or the Jay-Z and Linkin Park mashup, Collision Course. In fact, I've never really listened to the original Black Album all the way through. The remixes are WAY too popular! Which brings me to my point. Music is sooooo different today than when I was growing up. Remixes, splices, samples, and virtual artists are creating a completely new landscape. Give a listen to Gnarls Barkley, The Gorillaz, or The Basement Jax. All virtual artists, and the list goes on... And the fan base exists pretty much exclusively on the internet! That's the crazy part. Groups that existed largely in obscurity (or not at all) find that they can thrive on the internet through websites that let you sample and listen to different music based on what you say you like.

Let's take my recent musical foray into underground hip-hop. In my quest to find rap alternatives to Chamillionaire (and the rest of the dirty South, grill sporting thugs that we play NON-STOP in my store), I "discovered" Last.Fm.

Basically, there are three steps. Download their player (open source, BABY!), list a few artists you like, and hit the button to listen to similar artists. BAM! You're now listening to a custom mix of music; stuff you've heard mixed with stuff the algorhythms think you MIGHT like. The algorhythms in question are powered by audioscrobbler. Long story short, it just uses a mathematical equation to figure out what to play next. Yahoo Music and Pandora do the same thing, but Last.Fm does the best job in my opinion. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I have entered a whole new world of musical enjoyment. I had thought that rap was dead, but then I found El-P and the Definitive Jux label. Again, these are artists who struggled for a following or just didn't exist five years ago, but now their following is pipelined and powered by the internet. Cannibal Ox, RJD2, DJ Krush, Aesop Rock, Murs, Cage, Mr. Lif, Prefuse 73, Del tha Funkee Homosapien, Mike Ladd, The High & Mighty, Aceyalone, and Alec Empire. Real rap music is ALIVE and KICKING!!! And there's not a grill in sight! The art-form has become rich and diverse as it has flourished beneath the radio radar screen. I'm not sure what that crap is that VH-1 and KISS-FM are playing, but it ain't rap. Give it a listen and see for yourself. Do you like Tears for Fears? Green Day? Dido? The Eagles? Depeche Mode? Bob Dylan? Just type it in, and give a listen. You'll rediscover music. Trust me.

What was the lesson from Jay-Z? My moment of clarity was more of a reminder. Something I've known but not always kept a focus on. We work to live, not live to work. Age, Jay-Z, and my good friend Wxman reminded me of that (unintentionally). Thanks, buddy...

Urban Legends

2006-09-10T16:11:00.000-05:00

I'm a skeptic. I realized this some time ago in a discussion with my wife about the supposed benefits of recycling. I believe in virtually nothing unless it can be proven. This was a tough conversation given that my wife is a scientist and believes strongly in the scientific method. Why am I this way? I recall that as a teenager I was taken advantage of through two different scams that dealt young Akshun J a couple of serious financial setbacks. Although I only now regard myself as a skeptic, looking back, I realize that those incidents sparked my current mindset.

The point was further driven home during my brief stint in St. Louis. I was a "cubicle-jockey" at the "Big Company" corporate office for a little over a year. (Note: This is not a slam on the actual jockeys, as many of us have or are currently occupying this position. Watch the movie, Office Space, for further reference. I am also drunk right now. That is all.) Anyway, me and my buddy Rico (a clever psuedonym to protect the innocent) would get these freakin' mass emails from all over the globe claiming everything from a payout from Microsoft for replying to an email, to severe organ failure or death from eating Pop-rocks and Pepsi. Believe it or not? And the post-9/11 emails were ri-goddamn-diculous! Osama bin-Laden and an evil Bert (yes, the gay one from Seasame Street. Don't start with me. He lives with Ernie, and they are not in college. Just deal with it. I'm drunk.) have conspired to take over the world one child at a time?! Are you kidding?

That's when I found Snopes! The Urban Legend debunker site is a treasure trove of information that dates back to stuff that we heard waaaaaay before the internet. Richard Gere and the Gerbil? Bullshit. And I hate Richard Gere. But as Rico would say, it's all about accuracy.

From the Snopes article:

*****"Contrary to widespread public belief, "gerbil-stuffing" is unknown as an actual sexual practice, nor are we aware of a verified medical case of a gerbil having been extracted from a patient's rectum. Despite the assiduousness with which doctors record unusual items removed from patients' rectums in order to write them up as illustrative cases, we haven't yet found a medical journal article involving a gerbil removal. (Doctors, like most people, often repeat urban legends and stories told to them by others as first-person experiences, hence our standard for declaring this true is a peer-reviewed journal article rather than anecdote.) The notion of gerbilling (not necessarily restricted to homosexuals — the insertion of items into the rectum for purposes of autoeroticism is practiced by heterosexuals as well) appears to be pure invention, a tale fabricated to demonstrate the depravity with which "faggots" allegedly pursue sexual pleasure. (While people do stick all sorts of unusual items up their rectums, they also do so for reasons other than sexual pleasure.)

Like similar legends such as The Promiscuous Rock Star, this tale has been applied to various public figures who are known or believed to be homosexual, and it has stuck with one in particular: Richard Gere. Although the legend homed in on various targets when it first appeared (including a Philadelphia newscaster), it has clung tenaciously to Mr. Gere's name since at least the mid-1980s. Rumors that he had an emergency "gerbilectomy" at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in California have spread far and wide, and countless doctors and nurses claim to have participated in, been on hand during, or heard from a reliable colleague about, the procedure. (Cedars-Sinai is apparently the best-staffed hospital in the world, since several hundred different doctors and nurses were reportedly on duty at the time Mr. Gere was allegedly brought in for treatment.) The rumor's spread was aided by an anonymous prankster who, not long after the film Pretty Woman led to a tremendous increase in Gere's popularity, flooded fax machines in Hollywood with a phony "press release" purportedly issued by the Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, claiming that Gere had "abused" a gerbil. But, as a reporter from The National Enquirer found when he attempted to track down the gerbil story, there were no facts to be had."*****

Man, I heard about this in *high school*! I never even DOUBTED it! My email system today is a tad more restrictive, so I don't get the juicy stuff anymore. But occasionally, my other buddy at the LA Times will send me a good one that has circled the globe 1000 times without anyone questioning it. One of the hottest current ones is an email claiming that Bill Gates is offering free $$$ for simply replying to an email. Riiiiiight. But it sounds convincing! The author of the site is pretty rigorous about her vetting process, so I've really made it my one-stop-urban-legends-verification-stop. Give it a read!

Oh, and here's a great Office Space quote. Use it and get plenty of laughs at work:

"PC Load Letter?! What the f*ck does that mean?!"

Wi-Fi in Linux

2006-08-28T15:02:00.000-05:00

Sucks. Ain't no better way to phrase it. It just. Sucks.

What's linux, you ask? Good question. I discovered linux WAY back in 2001. I was a loyal Windows 2000 user, trying to get my Windows Media Player to play a video clip I found on the web. I was rudely told that to play the clip in question, I would need the NEW Windows Media Player, which was only available to users of Windows XP. Huh?! Jigga-what?! Now, far be it for me to tell someone they can't make a buck by charging someone for software upgrades, but at least pursuade me to upgrade by offering me some perks! Windows 2000 was perfectly suited to the task of playing the clip, but Microsoft did not want to retrofit the operating system (They since have reversed they're stance on supporting old versions since companies like the Dept of Defense logged a few protests). So, as a consumer, I exercised my rights to choose a different operating system. Enter Linux.

I had read about linux a few years prior, but I still didn't "get" it. And what was with the penguin, anyway?

"Linux (also known as GNU/Linux) is a Unix-like computer operating system. It is one of the most prominent examples of open source development and free software; unlike proprietary operating systems such as Windows or Mac OS X, all of its underlying source code is available for anyone to use, modify, and redistribute freely."

So, I got my hands dirty, and installed my first linux distro in late September of 2001. (Um, a distro is simply a particular "flavor" of linux). I chose Slackware. Sure, I could have chosen Red Hat, but after wrestling with Slackware for a few weeks, I actually learned how computers work. Some people have no desire to know this, but in the end, I saw it as a benefit. Years later, linux has reached a similar point of usability as Windows 2000. The problem is that, as a free operating system, some of the hardware development lags by a few years. Yes, a few YEARS. Hardware developers are not eager to release the code to their drivers to the general public (and thus, their competitors), so linux generally gets the shaft with cutting edge hardware drivers. Especially, wi-fi cards.

802.11b support is pretty good in linux, but it's soooo last year that you can't even buy a card at your local Best Buy or Circuit City. Everything is 802.11g now! And that's where linux support is really sh*tty. The damn hardware vendors won't release the code for their drivers, and thus linux support is HORRENDOUS! There are a few glimmers of hope out there:

Mad-WIFI
RT-2x00
Bcm-43xx

But they need support. Hardware vendors, take note. Linux users are getting pissed! And they make choices with their $$$$$. Sure, we're a tiny minority in a Windows world, but we're also REALLY loud on the internet. ATI finally got tired of the bad press and decided to make better drivers. Wi-fi vendors better recognize!

Whew, it's been a while!

2006-08-28T14:43:00.000-05:00

Wow! I haven't blogged in a while. Things have been fast and furious for the last few weeks. On the work front, at some point, someone thought I should be given MORE responsibility. So, I got promoted, and now I have my very own Big Box! But, you know the old saying, "Be careful what you wish for?" Yeah, now I REALLY understand what that means.

Soooo many stories to tell. So little time. So, I've moved from Racine to metro Milwaukee. Right on the lake. And my customers have changed, too. No more Ray. Now I cater to Barry. 40ish, married, upper-middle class, big spender, but not without his quirks. Ray did not understand technology, but he looked at me as an equal. Barry gets technology, but he talks to me as if I'm a burger-flipper. At least until he reads the "GM" name-tag. Then, it's all smiles and hand-shakes. Riiiight.

People, please think about how you treat the next person in customer service that you meet. We are in customer SERVICE, not customer servants. Yes, my employees are young, dumb and full of.... it. But, I take time every day to teach them about delivering EXCELLENT customer service. And they are LEARNING! PLEASE just give them a chance before you talk to them like they're morons. I say this for ALL OF US. If you get a smile, smile back. If someone greets you, greet them back! Sometimes we're not trying to sell you something; we're REALLY just saying, good morning. Shocking, but true.

Why Galactica is cool

2006-08-09T00:04:00.000-05:00

#1 - It's the writing, stupid! Something network genre TV creators have continued to neglect. For years, any fan of good scifi TV had to turn to syndication. Those writers were hungry (literally) and they generally turned in the most cutting edge stuff. But with that current proliferation of big-budget cable TV channels, we now have the best of both worlds: Good writing and top notch FX! And the Galactica writers are, without a doubt, the best in the biz.

#2 - Hot, kick-ass chicks! Yes, Starbuck and Boomer are chicks. Fans of the old series were incensed by this. But, I was shocked at how little air-play Colonel Tigh's ethnicity change got. From a black man in the 70's to a white man in 2006?! How's that for affirmative action? Yet, I will be the first one to say that I support ALL of the character changes. They all JUST WORK. Especially the leading women. It is truly the first series I have seen where the leading female roles are not just stereotypical "tough chicks" a la Vasquez from Aliens. They are 3-dimensional, complex, and yes, they are soldiers. And, they are hot.

#3 - Shaky-cam realism. It feels like an episode of Law and Order. Except for the Cylons. Ron Moore said that he was going for the faux realism of a documentary, and that's the feeling you get. Firefly first used this effect in a genre series, and it was cool.

#4 - Realistic physics in scifi??? From another chapter in the book of Firefly, external space shots get muted sound. In truth, there is zero sound in space. But zero sound doesn't make for good TV, so Moore compromised. And they use bullets, not laser or phasers. And their computers crash, their guns misfire, and they use nukes!

#5 - The people ain't perfect, and definitely not what you expect! The president is a school-teacher who leads a fanatical religious crusade, and the military commander is a soft-spoken guy who believes in civil liberties. Seriously. His first officer is a surly drunk with bad judgement and a wife who cheats on him. Cylons are screwing the entire crew (literally), and the vice-president is BARKING mad. Shall I go on?

#6 - It's just cool. Ron Moore and company tackle all of the issues of today without flinching. It's great because we all really get asked the question, "What would you do?" On the outside, humanity is relentlessly pursued by a bunch of religious zealot automatons that HUMANITY originally created! And on the inside, the humanity's greatest internal conflicts are carefully dissected. Personal liberty vs security, what are the limits on free speech, creationism vs evolution, etc. THIS is what genre TV was MADE to do.

#7 - Anthrax loves it! Really!

I was watching the pilot with Wxman a while ago, and I could see that he was not quite as into it as I was. That's because I was partially in love with it BEFORE I even saw it. Ron Moore is a genius, and I needed no patience to be receptive to his latest brain-child. But to folks not familiar with his work, I invite you to watch Season 1. The pilot is not a crazy shoot-em-up. It's slow, methodical, and at times plodding. But the setup is awesome because the series kicks off with a BANG in the first episode and it doesn't look back. Honestly, its like Law & Order meets Space: Above & Beyond meets 24. How cool is that?

Great Movies - Miami Vice!

2006-08-02T23:37:00.000-05:00

Well, I finally saw it. At the ArcLight theater in LA, no less. At $12/ticket, this is the gourmet of movie theaters. Assigned seats with ushers, full bar and grill, state-of-the-art DTS sound, and a screen half the size of an IMAX! There's nothing cooler as far as I'm concerned. Oddly, the seats are sort of uncomfortable. Weird thing for a theater so designed around comfort. No matter..

This movie FREAKIN ROCKED! Let me first say that you have to be one of two things to REALLY enjoy this flick. Either a serious Miami Vice tv-series fan, or a Michael Mann fan. If you liked Heat or Collateral but missed MV:The Series, you should enjoy the movie as it really is the climax to this style of movie-making. If you're a fan of the series, but missed the latest Michael Mann flicks, you'll be pleasantly surprised how Mann's style has evolved, and you'll love his new vision for the characters we all came to love. If you're both a Mann fan as well as a Vice fan, this movie is a MUST SEE! And no bootlegs or downloads. (Yeah, I said it...) Go to the nearest Ultrascreen and fork over your $9, and prepare to be amazed...

For you suckas who don't like Mann or Vice, like almost every commecial critic out there, why did you go see the movie in the first place? NOT EVERY MOVIE IS FOR EVERYONE! It doesn't mean the movie sucks, it just means it wasn't for you. This is something that critics don't grasp. Case in point: Unbreakable. M. Night Shyamalan is a gifted film-maker. I go to all of his flicks on opening night. I left Unbreakable feeling very unsatisfied. It was well-made, well-acted, great cinematography, good script, just not my cup of tea. Do I tell everyone it sucked? Nope, just that it didn't interest me. Anyways, back to the Vice...

The main cast was great, although there was not a huge amount of screen time for everyone. Some of the relationships and characters were changed, but I really have an open mind in terms of that stuff. It was like one bad-ass ultimate episode of the series. No bullshit about how they meet, or how they form a team, or crap like that. The movie just jumps right in and tells the story of two vice cops (and their larger team) and their lives within DEEP cover. They have to take on drug dealers, gun runners, slave traffickers, and their own corrupt associates. And they have to live their lives. Mann's new vision was PHENOMENAL! He maintained the core part of the series. The moody, atmospheric, angst-ridden music is the backdrop for a gorgeous, yet deadly Miami. He features crisp blue skies, fast European cars, and the hottest women seen on any screen. And wait for the scenes with the go-boats! At the same time, Mann has stepped up his game with digital film-making and has presented a format that really worked for this film. Again, if you're a fan of the series, all of your favorite villains are here: Pimps, Columbian drug kingpins, Haitian gun-runners, white supremacists, and dirty cops. And, yes there is a kill-fest in the end. But if you're just looking for a summer shoot-em-up with some clever punchlines, look elsewhere. This movie is all about painting a picture for the audience, and Mann takes his time. My only hope is that it's the prelude to something more.... Maybe a series?

Beautiful, Blue and Bald

2006-07-15T20:49:00.000-05:00

That was Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan. Or just plain Zhaan, as she was know to her friends on the hit Sci-Fi channel series Farscape. Science Fiction television began to break out of the Star Trek formula somewhere midway though DS-9. Characters began to die, people didn't always do the right thing, and humanity lost a bit of it's Gene Roddenberry perfection.

Then came Space: Above and Beyond. Produced by Glenn Wong and James Morgan, it brought a gritty sense of realism to the genre. Gone was the comfy bridge, the safe turbo-lifts, and clean-vaporizing phasers. These were United States Marines in the future:

"The show, set in the years 2063–2064, focuses on a group of United States Marines, members of the United States Marine Corps Space Aviator Cavalry, 58th Squadron, or the "Wildcards"). They are based out of the spacecraft carrier USS Saratoga, and act as infantry."

For me, it didn't get any cooler. The Wildcards were a tough bunch of kick-ass kids who did the job that no other squad had the grit to do. Face first into the trenches with the alien chigs. And people died. Main characters, friends, relatives, you name it. And there was racism, sexism, senseless acts of evil (and benevolence). And moments of pure insanity. Overall, the series did a great job of portraying how war challenges an entire society, and not just the soldiers. Alas, Fox was not ready this kind of series, and it was cancelled after a season.

But it had paved the way for something greater. Fans appetites had been whetted for more realism. We didn't want a starship that never really took a beating. We didn't want the main characters sound like the Cleavers. We didn't want "the use of force only when necessary." What we wanted was Farscape.

My obsession with this series is difficult to explain. Most normal people would see an episode and say, "This is weird. Is that thing a muppet? Oh, hell no! Did the muppet just puke?!" I, however, saw a TV series that took the sci-fi genre in a WHOLE NEW DIRECTION. I remember seeing the first episode during a winter repeat fest LONG after the series debuted. I was sick in bed and watching a bunch of aliens with dodgy makeup argue about the human in their midst. And then I saw the muppet. A fairly well-done goblin-looking thing, but a muppet nonetheless. As I reached for the remote to change the channel, the muppet sprang out of it's seat and bit off the finger of one of the other characters, as she screamed and spurted blood everywhere. "Whoa," I thought, putting down the remote. "This could get good." And indeed it did. The budget was horrible at first, but what I liked was that they hired GREAT writers, and they used models and animatronics in the place of CGI characters. Don't get me wrong, CGI is awesome. But I still prefer the old muppet Yoda to the new CGI Yoda any day. Picture this:

"My name is John Crichton, an astronaut. A radiation wave hit and I got shot through a wormhole. Lost in some distant part of the universe on a ship, a living ship, full of strange alien life forms. Help me. Listen, please. Is there anybody out there who can hear me? Being hunted … by an insane military commander. Doing everything I can. I'm just looking for a way home."

Last transmission of John Crichton, an IASA astronaut. When he arrives on the far side of the galaxy, he quickly discovers that those that look human are actually his enemy, and the aliens are his friends. Guys that look human and call themselves Peacekeepers are the ENEMY! How cool is that? Anyway, he progresses through four awesome seasons of adventures culminating in a new transmission where he's no longer so eager to get home:

"My name is John Crichton, an astronaut. Three years ago I got shot through a wormhole. I’m in a different part of the universe aboard this living ship of escaped prisoners … my friends. I’ve made enemies … powerful, dangerous. Now all I want is to find a way home to warn Earth. Look upward and share the wonders I’ve seen."

The world of Farscape is dangerous and dirty. And the characters are real as they are alien. They screw, fart, piss, puke, curse, and brawl. On the subject of farting, one character actually has helium flatulence. Tell me the writers were not smoking a fattie when they came up with that one! But underneath all the alien bravado, the characterizations were some of the best done ever on television. And that all brings me to Zhaan.

The blue high priestess was actually a plant-based life-form given to intense "photogasms" when exposed to excessive natural sunlight. She was mysterious, sensuous, generous, forgiving, but also powerful and riteous in her fury if angered. The actress, Viginia Hey, actually shaved her head and eyebrows for the role, and personally identified with the character! But as years of the semi-toxic makeup took it's toll on her skin, she asked to take a few steps back form her workload. Sci-fi responded by killing her off. Workload lightened, they said. And although the death of such a major character was an outrage to fans, driven purely for business reasons by Universal/Sci-Fi, it was an important milestone in our development. When Zhaan died, we all grew up a bit. Good characters won't last forever. In fact, it's not even healthy when they do. You end up with Maddie and Dave from Moonlighting yelling at each other after five years, and people wondering, "What happened to the show I liked." Or the Fonz when he jumped the shark on Happy Days. Remember that? Change is good, and that's what sci-fi needed. Shows that shook things up and challenged the status quo. It was too bad that Zhaan had to be the sacrificial lamb, but c'est la vie.

So in the final part of my trifecta eulogy, raise a glass with me to toast the curviest, bluest boobs in the galaxy. Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan. And go grab Season 1 of Farscape on DVD. The stuff's like crack!

Librarians gone WILD!

2006-07-09T15:05:00.000-05:00

Every time I read my sister's blog, a little more of my librarian stereotypes are utterly erased. She recently made the trek to Austin, and then New Orleans for some library conferences. My favorite quote is from her drunken friend while in New Orleans:

"It's DANGEROUS here...you can drink on the STREET!"

And in response to her comment about breast implants feeling like crap, I whole-heartedly agree. It's like someone over-filled a balloon with water and jammed it under the skin. I know there are some string implants around that are reportedly more natural feeling, but I think that's a crock. There's nothing like warm, flesh and blood natural boobs. Although I hear that silicone was the bomb back in the 80's...

Anyway, here is the link to her eloquently written blog entry, as well as some cool pics...

The blackest of the black

2006-07-07T20:33:00.000-05:00

So, I'm black. My ethnicity AND my skin color. African-Americans are actually various shades of brown, not black. But I am the darkest of the dark. It is a little known fact outside of the black community, that darker-skinned black people are at the bottom of an unspoken caste system. This situation exists in many other countries where colonialism was present (i.e. Mexico, Brazil, Australia, etc.) Much of it relates to the pursuit of a particular standard of beauty that we don't always conform to. Light skin, straight hair, etc.

But times changed in late 20th Century black America. The caste system suffered a severe fracture. Sometime in the late 60's as the volume on the black power movement reached a crescendo, we began to openly embrace ourselves, in all of our diversity, as beautiful. Remember the afro? It was born from "Black is beautiful!" But old habits die hard, and even in the 80's when I was growing up, I was on the receiving end of relentless teasing about my skin color. I heard every joke, was called every name, and was taunted in every way. Remember the Chappelle "Rick James" skit? "Darkness is upon us!" he chants when Charlie and Eddie Murphy appear. That was every day in my junior high orchestra class. I was a self-confident 13-year-old, but I had my limits. I never thought I was male-model material, but over the years the taunting made me believe that I was elephant-man deformed. As I crossed into my teenage years and into high school, my self-confidence was at an all-time low, at a time when potential dating was HIGH on the priority list. And, as many women will recall, the last thing you're interested in is a guy with no self-confidence. So, I created a self-fulfilling prophecy. I thought it was my skin color that got me shot-down, but it was really my own head-hanging. All of this changed with two events. The first was my first girlfriend ever. She was not black. And she thought I was hot. (She told me so.)

The second was Mo' Better Blues (1990). This was a Spike Lee flick featuring Wesley Snipes. I remember seeing it on video and being shocked at how every woman in this movie was ALL OVER Wesley. Every subsequent movie I saw him in, he was always a proto-typical leading man, usually with a couple of love interests. And then, when I heard other black women talk about him, it was usually with a lot of praise for his appearance. They thought he was good-looking! (Except my wife. She thinks Wesley Snipes is a toad, although it has nothing to do with his skin color.) As we pushed further into the 90's, I saw popular dark-skinned guys EVERYWHERE! Morris Chestnut, Richard T. Jones, Omar Eps, Djimon Hounsou, Mekhi Phifer, and even Chris Tucker.

These guys got to be the leading men and the women loved them! Dark-skinned male models even gained popularity, like that Tyson whateverhisnameis. By the time I got to college, we were well into what I affectionately refer to as the Decade of the Dark-skinned Black Man, and I had sooooooo gotten over the junior-high teasing. I was finally able to spread my social wings, so to speak. I was always proud to be African-American, but for the first time in my life I was proud of my actual skin color. Sad to think that it took a bunch of Hollywood movies to convince me of this, but such is life.

However, as the pendulum swings one direction, it must ultimately swing back. And so, as the second part of my trifecta of eulogies (Trek, dark-skin, and Farscape), I raise a glass to my dark-skinned heros of old. Today, our presence is all but absent from the movies and TV. The Will Smiths, Terrence Howards, and Jamie Foxx's now fill our screens. And I like those guys. A lot. But for a while, it was cool to see an action hero or a romatic lead, and see something of myself reflected back...

P.S. Is that Scarlett Johannsen sandwiched between Michael Duncan Clark and Djimon Hounsou??? Right on!

Where no man has gone...UPDATED!!!

2006-07-03T11:03:00.000-05:00

When I was a little squirt living in L.A., I was not really allowed to watch television. My mother thought it would rot my brain and such. But as I got older, she made certain allowances. One of those was a certain syndicated show that aired on Channel 13 at 6pm during the summers. A show that had been cancelled for over 15 years, but to me it was new and wondrous. That show was Star Trek, and out of all things television, it was to have the most profound impact in my life.

During my preteen years, I was a self-professed Trekkie. Not Trekker or Trekkor or any of the other attempts to masculinize a word that never had a gender in the first place. I was a Trekkie. I had seen every episode multiple times, I could recite dialogue, and more importantly, I believed in the ethos. Even through Shatner's over-acting, the cheesy special effects, and heavy-handed preachy plots, I saw something special that shaped Little Akshun J's worldview. Kirk always gave the aliens a shot before he phasered the crap out of them. He surrounded himself with people who were at least as smart as himself (if not smarter), yet he was never threatened. He always had a special place in his heart for the nerdy girls (The only chick he had a baby with was a genetics scientist. Go figure...)

Anyways, the experience also made me a complete sci-fi junkie. Sure I had seen Galactica and Buck Rogers years before. But Trek was something a little different. And as much as their creators are loathe to admit it, those shows really drew heavily from Trek. However, the eighties was a dark time for sci-fi. Budgets were tight, the public was not very receptive, and nothing really lasted for more that a season. Remember The Powers of Matthew Starr, Otherworld, The Misfits of Science, Automan, Manimal et al? I enjoyed them all as a kid, but c'mon guys. Where was the writing??? It wasn't until Star Trek returned with a new crew, new ship, and new ideas that good sci-fi returned to television...

It was 1987, and I was in my final year of junior high. I had recently attended my first Star Trek convention and I was EAGERLY awaiting the debut of The Next Generation. (No, I am not ashamed to admit that I went to a convention. No, I did not dress up, but I don't have a problem with those who choose to do this. And for those of you who think that guys who dress in costume and celebrate their favorite thing together are weird, check out a Packer or a Viking game.) You see, I was growing out of old Trek. Kirk was now cliche, and their black and white plots no longer appealed to my angsty teenage persona. The new Trek promised meaty plots and big production values. I could hardly wait! So, the big night comes, and the world was introduced to a.......bald Frenchman with a British accent, an android with heavy gold makeup and bad contacts, the kid from Stand By Me, a blind navigator with a banana clip over his face, and a Klingon.

Let's just say that I was underwhelmed. In fact, the whole first season, with a couple of exceptions, was rotten. It was my opinion that Gene Roddenberry had run amuck. If I wanted overacting and bad special effects, I would watch old episodes of the original series! But something happened over Season 2 when Gene Roddenberry's health began to decline. New blood like Rick Berman (more on him later), Michael Pillar, and Ira Steven Behr began to take Trek in new directions. They broke Roddenberry's formula of a neat and clean universe, bringing us enemies like The Borg and episodes exploring the very nature of humanity and consciousness. The actors were surprisingly capable once they were given good material. And when the fourth season hit, I was hooked. Once again I was a Trekkie. And in that year, Trek showed Hollywood that sci-fi could be both entertaining AND smart. Thus began the renaissance. The Sci-fi Renaissance.

Quantum Leap, Babylon 5, X-Files, Time Traxx, American Gothic and Nowhere Man marked the beginnings. Then came Buffy, Dark Angel, Millenium, Stargate, and Farscape. All on the heels of an entire cable network devoted to sci-fi. And Star Trek was the show that paved the way. It enjoyed wild success in it's final season, spawning an arguably MORE successful spin-off (DS-9),

and then taking off on the big screen.

The franchise was a money MONSTER and Trek was transcending pop-culture and taking root in American culture. Until Voyager.

Star Trek died on the day some genius (Rick Berman) thought it would be a good idea to set Gilligan's Island in space. And better yet, to put a Borg chick in a skin-tight cat-suit and six-inch heels.

That's network sci-fi for ya. You see, UPN is what killed Trek. Voyager was the first time Star Trek was network produced and aired (as opposed to syndication), and it needed network prime-time ratings to stay alive. So, in typical network style, they broke out the boobs and bad writing. (No, I don't have a problem with boobs. Quite the opposite, in fact. But exploitive characters tend to go hand-in-hand with shitty writing. Unfortunate, but true.) That's when the good writers ran for the hills, and the Golden Age (2002-present) of Sci-fi began. 4400, Galactica, Dead Zone, Lost, and others were borne out of Voyager's ashes. Enterprise was the final nail in the coffin.

As an adult who is no longer a Trekkie, I want to take a moment and express my love for the phenomenon that was Star Trek. It entertained me, educated me, motivated me, and even gave me some darn good advice. Hell, Star Trek sort of introduced me to my wife! But that's another story. It was in pain, so I'm glad we've put it to rest, but in it's prime, there was nothing better. My memories of Kirk, Picard, Sisko, and their crews serve as constant reminders of the debt that current genre-fiction owes them. Please, join me in raising a glass to...

UM on hiatus...

2006-06-13T20:20:00.000-05:00

Undergound Media is on a temporary hiatus. Two reasons...

#1 We're out of webspace. No where to store the MP3's till I get a new server up and running or pony up some bucks for a hosted solution.

#2 Time is a serious challenge recently for both Wxman and myself.

However, there should be some resolutions on at least one of those fronts soon. Keep checking back. UM will return!!!

I told you so!

2006-06-13T16:56:00.000-05:00

I hate to be smug, but to both Richmond and Wxman, I say:

I told you so!

I have been watching genre TV for waaaaaay too long not to know a Three's Company contract dispute when I see one. You don't have a major character like Lily (The 4400), and then not even show her face once in the new season. She could have easily been CGI-aged for the role, but they chose another actress. And that's because the actress that played Lily wanted more $$$. No harm, no foul, but that's TV.

For the record, there have been other genre contract disputes. The most famous in recent times was that of Zhaan from Farscape. Hmmm. Most folks won't know Farscape, so I guess a post is in order. That means my next three posts will be to mourn the passing of Star Trek, discuss the end of the era of dark-skinned black men, and celebrate the final days of Farscape and our favorite blue-skinned priestess, Zhaan. Good stuff is coming. Watch this space...

Did someone say Dead Zone?!

2006-06-08T10:09:00.000-05:00

Aw yeah! Returning to the air on June 18th, baby! 4400 AND Dead Zone are back!

Six Degrees of Star Trek: The Next Generation

2006-06-06T20:22:00.000-05:00

That's pretty much where it all began. Good television sci-fi, that is. Sure, you can go back to the DVD and laugh at the f/x. But the writing was some of the best EVER to hit the airwaves. You see, there was this weird gap in TV sci-fi during the 80's. The good stuff ended in the 70's with Buck Rogers and Battlestar Galactica. The 80's saw Knight Rider as the longest running genre series, and it just BARELY fit the description. Sure, there were lots of contenders. Automan, Manimal, Misfits of Science, The Powers of Matthew Starr. But, they all flopped. It wasn't until ST:TNG that good sci-fi returned to dominate television. I remember reading somewhere that the official opinion was that Seinfeld actually sucked the writing talent out of the rest of "must-see TV". Surely the same was true with Trek. The best writers in the business cut their teeth on Klingon rites of passage and Betazoid mating rituals. And after the death of the franchise (which I will devote a special blog entry to), they ALL went on to bigger and better things. Like what, you ask? Like...

The 4400

René Echevarria - producer and creator of one of the best shows currently on TV: The 4400. And yes, he began writing for Trek. And I hate him. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the 4400. I can't wait for the new season to start. But I hate Rene. He single-handedly turned Star Trek: Generations into a steaming turd. But, this is neither the time nor the place. He's a talented writer, and I give him props for the 4400.

Ira Steven Behr - This man is the reason that the 4400 is actually good. He did more Deep Space 9 than Next Gen, but he's still a Trekkie, through and through.

Battlestar Galactica (2005), Carnivale, and Roswell

Ronald D. Moore - This guy is like a god to me. Carnivale was excellent, and although I never saw Roswell, I hear it was a pretty slick show. And Galactica?! Are you kidding?! Best sci-fi EVER! And it all began when he submitted a script to Trek. Too cool, eh?

Dead Zone

Michael Piller - This guy was too cool (may he rest in peace). He was one of the original architects of ST:TNG, and later, Deep Space 9. But his crowning glory was the Dead Zone starring Anthony Michael Hall. AWESOME show. I think his son Shawn took over in the last year.

So you say you're not a trekkie? Well, if you're watching ANY of the quality genre shows out there today, you ARE a trekkie. Deal with it.

#3 never happened

2006-06-06T20:16:00.000-05:00

And that's all there is to it. I even forgot what #3 was supposed to be. Old age, I suppose...

Oh well. I do have a TV show recommendation. Check out Smallville. I've been downloading like crazy, and I have to say that I'm impressed. I usually have a riteous hatred for all things WB, but Smallville really works. Good writing, decent acting (Michael Rosenbaum as Lex Luthor outclasses the entire cast), and I think Annette O'Toole (Martha Kent) is a milf. What more could you ask for. If you have preteen kids, it's also a pretty safe show. Good for them, actually, as it drills down to a deeper moral message than most shows. Why does Superman use his powers for good? Good old-fashioned parenting. Wow, huh? Netflix has Seasons 1-4 on DVD if you want to use the old-fashioned method...

The beauty of Open Source (#2 of 3 posts today)

2006-05-30T17:25:00.000-05:00

Ah, freedom. It's what Captain Kirk once called our "worship word" as he spied an offshoot culture bearing an American flag. Indeed, Americans of all faiths, political views, classes and races can all agree on one thing. Freedom stands at the core of our society.

Most of the time, when we speak of such freedom, we're referring to free speech, equal protection under the law, due process, and a whole bunch of other Bill of Rights stuff. But, I am a geek. A good-looking, smooth-talking, sex-machine of a geek. But a geek nonetheless. And thus, while I'm a big fan of the Bill of Rights, it's computer freedom that really gets me.

Here are some exerps from the Free Software Bill of Rights:
**************************

We maintain this free software definition to show clearly what must be true about a particular software program for it to be considered free software.

``Free software'' is a matter of liberty, not price. To understand the concept, you should think of ``free'' as in ``free speech,'' not as in ``free beer.''

Free software is a matter of the users' freedom to run, copy, distribute, study, change and improve the software. More precisely, it refers to four kinds of freedom, for the users of the software:

The freedom to run the program, for any purpose (freedom 0).
The freedom to study how the program works, and adapt it to your needs (freedom 1). Access to the source code is a precondition for this.
The freedom to redistribute copies so you can help your neighbor (freedom 2).
The freedom to improve the program, and release your improvements to the public, so that the whole community benefits (freedom 3). Access to the source code is a precondition for this.

A program is free software if users have all of these freedoms. Thus, you should be free to redistribute copies, either with or without modifications, either gratis or charging a fee for distribution, to anyone anywhere. Being free to do these things means (among other things) that you do not have to ask or pay for permission.

*************************
The misconception is that free software (or rather it's corporate brother, open source) is something that a bunch of long-haired, pot-smoking commies do for fun, rather than profit. I have actually read the powers-that-be at companies like Microsoft refer to free software as un-American. Hmmmm. Tell that to Red Hat, or Novell, or Sun Microsystems, all of whom have embraced free software as a PROFIT source. Not the software itself, but the SERVICES it generates. Because you see, in it's purest form, free software is an Adam Smith godsend. It's all about competition, baby! That's the truth that Microsoft would prefer that you don't know. Is it possible to make money from software AND foster a competitive, healthy capitalistic marketplace? Open source principles ENSURE this. And it lets users get control of their computer again!

Lesson #1 - Try out some open source stuff, but keep the Windows training wheels on.
Open Source Windows

and

The Open CD

Lesson #2 - Try a Linux Live CD
My personal favorite - PCLinuxOS
But there's also:
Knoppix
Linspire

Or check out the list...

Lesson #3 - Install Linux and get ready for the plethora of free STUFF you get. Remember all that software you got with Windows? Yeah, nothing except for trial versions. Well, remember that LiveCD you tried out from PCLinuxOS? Well, you can also use it to install Linux on your machine. And it comes with all the cool software you can eat. Web design, desktop publishing, an office suite, instant messagers, vector graphics, you name it! And the install will let you keep Windows around in case you need to hit the panic button.

Caveats? Of course there are some. Laptop support is shaky in Linux because the hardware vendors keep their secret recipes private. Only them and Bill Gates get a peak. That said, things may still work out. Just practice with that LiveCD first. Now desktops are a different story. Most everything should work "out-of-the-box". So what are you waiting for? Maybe you don't like PCLinuxOS? Well check out some more Linux distros. Chances are, you'll find something to suit your fancy. Be careful, you might start to like your computer again. Especially when you discover that you don't need anti-spyware, anti-virus, pop-up blocker, yadda yadda. Now that's freedom...

Retail Tales (#1 of 3 today)

2006-05-30T12:07:00.000-05:00

So, my buddy Richmond gave me some crap today about not updating my blog in a while. I will first say that the last two weeks have been the busiest of my "Big Box" retail career. One day off in ten days tends to wear a person down. But, today I have resolved to update the blog, put up the new podcast, and find some advertising $$$ for future podcast eps, as I believe we've got a pretty decent show now.

So, without further ado, this will be the first of THREE updates today. I shall entertain with "Tales from the Retail Floor!" (Read in booming 1950's TV voice.)

Why is it that people do not understand the value of their own time? Maybe it's because their time is worthless to them? Not sure. But I marvel at how long people spend shopping around and researching before making an actual purchase. Now, hang on before you start yelling at me. Yes, researching and comparison pricing are GOOD things. I would never say otherwise. But there reaches a point when the investment of time, gas, bandwidth, and eye-strain exceeds the dollar value that making a "bad" purchase represents. Ray does not understand this. Or I should say that Thrifty Ray does not. (Note: There are many different Rays, and most are NOT actually cheap. They just need their wives' approval to make any purchases. And Ray's wife needs to know EXACTLY how this new technology will enhance their lives before signing off. But, I digress...) Thrifty Ray subscribes to Consumer Reports (his only magazine subscription), uses a dial-up internet connection to price items online at such reputable websites as cheapdeals.com, and spends his Sunday mornings driving from Big Box to Big Box looking for deals he saw in the morning paper. But he never buys anything. He always thinks he could get a better deal, or he's getting screwed, or it will go on sale, or something new will come out, or yadda yadda. These are actual quotes. Thrifty Ray will have you put together a whole package of pricing options, put the stuff on a cart, ring him up, and then tell you, "Thanks. I just want to check out the prices next door. I'll be back." Grrrr! On average, Thrifty Ray will spend several months researching something like HDTV before he finally decides to make a purchase. Again, that includes web research (on dialup), newspapers, his trusty Consumer Reports, and plenty of driving from store to store. I personally think this is too much time. I think I spent three weeks researching cars before I bought one. Okay, that's a bad example since I spent nine years in the industry. My point is this:

#1 When you buy any piece of consumer electronics, you will be screwed in some form. It's the nature of the beast. You need ten accessories to make it work, it depreciates faster than a car, and the upgrade cycle is every six-months if you're lucky. Get used to it. Things have been this way for the last 10 years. This won't change.

#2 Your time is not free. Neither is gas, ISP minutes, or newspapers. If the money you spend researching the purchase is higher than the amount you'd get "screwed" out of by not shopping around for months, then you are actually screwing yourself. Get it?

You want to know what REALLY gets me? When Thrifty Ray's brother, Cheap-Ass Ray, spends the same amount of time researching a $100 CD-player that you or I would spend researching a $4,000 plasma. The SAME amout of time! Just the other day, I ran into Cheap-Ass Ray in the Audio Dept. I was headed to the bathroom, and he caught me. Mid-40's, white guy, t-shirt and jeans. How bad could this be, right? Well, for the better part of 30 FULL MINUTES he told me more information about CD shelf systems than I would EVER want to know! He told ME! He said he'd been shopping around for a couple of months. Huh?! Months?! For a $100 shelf system that.............wait for it................PLAYS CD's!!! As much as I wanted to say, "Dude, this is what's called commoditized hardware. They're actually all pretty much the same. Pick a pretty color, break out the plastic, and let me drain the main vein." I didn't. I recommended one, and prepared to walk away, but he stopped me with one last question. The "money" question, if you will.

Cheap-Ass Ray: "Just one last question. I keep seeing this feature on all of the systems. Emp-three. What's that?"

Me: (Laughing out loud, thinking this was his play at humor. After-all, he had to be aware that he had just roped one of the store managers into a 30 minute conversation about a $100 piece of hardware that HE had researched for the past 90 days.)

Cheap-Ass Ray: "Is something funny?"

Me: (No longer laughing.) "Uh, no. It's actually MP3, not emp-three."

Cheap-Ass Ray: "So, what is it?"

Sure, we're not all geeks. I get this. But we ARE a TV culture. and if you haven't heard of MP3's or an Ipod, you're an alien. I mean a "fresh-off-the-saucer" alien. And hello? Three months of research, and nothing about MP3's?!

Me: "Uh, well. It's......a music format. Compressed audio."

Cheap-Ass Ray: I don't understand...

MORE Miami Vice!!!

2006-05-15T13:10:00.000-05:00

Man, I can't WAIT for this freakin' movie! Trailer #2 looks even better...

Ah, the joys of alcohol...

2006-05-10T21:15:00.000-05:00

My buddy in LA sent me this...

Now, whenever my wife tells me I drink too much wine, I will have a clever come-back starting with #1 on the list:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
" Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say
to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants
us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,
of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo
can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first This natural selection is
good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the
regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

A more "Iraqi" perspective?

2006-05-10T21:08:00.000-05:00

There's no argument that there is a ton of rhetoric being thrown back and forth in the media regarding the Iraq war. But, as I drove home yesterday I heard something a little different than the normal "this retired general said this" or "this politician said that". It was an interesting BBC interview with a journalist who was focusing his efforts on telling the story of the Iraq war from what he calls an "Iraqi perspective." His name is Nir Rosen, and I only caught the tail-end of the interview, but he struck me very credible as well as incredibly informative. He also put some of the events in their historical perspective along with providing some interesting historical parallels. (No, not Vietnam...)

Check it out...

Great Movies - Ghostbusters!

2006-05-06T22:52:00.000-05:00

"We came, we saw, we kicked it's ASS!" - Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray)

When I was a kid, I was REALLY into the paranormal. I had a HUGE collection of books on ghosts, poltergeists, haunted houses, and parapsychology. Oh, who am I kidding. I still love the subject. I actually wrote most of this wikipedia article on poltergeists. However, as an adult, my interest is more from the position of a skeptic. I can't stand those TV psychics and tarot card readers! Frauds are parapsychology's worst enemy, and I cannot abide them! I know that sounds weird for someone interested in the paranormal, but I always think back to that old Sherlock Holmes saying, "When all other contingencies fail, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." Basically, when all the crackpots and idiots are exposed as charalatans, and you're left with that one, single weird case that can't seem to explained away rationally, you get to say, "BINGO!" Unfortunately, you never hear about the real cases because most real and sane people who have experienced something paranormal don't want to be on TV. They know how they will be labeled. And so, I must be content watching fraud-busting TV shows like Penn & Teller's Bullsh*t (for my inner skeptic), and fictional TV shows like 4400 and the Dead Zone (for the believer in me).

As a child, however, there wasn't a skeptical bone in my body. I loved every story, movie, book, or TV show I could get my hands on. And that brings me to the first of my two favorite movies on the subject. Ghostbusters!

From the standpoint of writing the perfect comedy, this was the perfect mix of SNL and SCTV that all of us 80's children knew was possible. Dan Aykroyd, Bill Burray, Sigourney Weaver, Harold Ramis, Ernie Hudson, and Rick Moranis. Are you kidding?! Could an 80's comedy have a better cast than that? Maybe adding Chevy Chase while he was still funny? Who knows. Anyway, this is probably one of the most quotable comedies next to Fletch, Airplane, or Caddyshack.

Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes!
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice.....dogs and cats living together....mass hysteria!

Dr Ray Stantz: Your girlfriend lives in the corner penthouse... of Spook Central.
Dr. Peter Venkman: She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and because she sleeps above her covers... *four feet* above her covers. She barks, she drools, she claws!

(my personal favorite)
Dr Ray Stantz: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by Dickless over here.
Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!
Mayor: Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes it's true.
[pause]
Dr. Peter Venkman: This man has no dick.

Okay, so it's not only one of the funniest movies of all time, but it's also really good from a plot perspective. As a paranormal fan, it was a COOL story. Yes, the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man at the end was a bit much, but everything else made for a pretty slick genre film. Ghosts, zombies, demon dogs, possession, and proton packs (unlicensed nuclear accelerators). Too bad the sequel sucked. Go rent the new DVD release. It's good stuff!

Underground Media #2

2006-05-02T01:39:00.000-05:00

Man, we need to stick to a format. 2 hours is too long for a podcast. Anyway, enjoy.

Underground Media is AWAY!!!

2006-04-25T10:40:00.000-05:00

Well, folks. Episode #1 of Underground Media is up and away after a month of fooling around with editing, re-editing, finding a host, and figuring out that whole RSS thing. We're recording the next ep today with hopes of putting it out tonight, and then getting on a once per week rhythm. Anyway, jump on over to our Underground Media page and take a listen. Still working out the kinks, but we had fun!

My sister's Route 66 wisdom

2006-04-24T14:13:00.000-05:00

My sis recently did a road-trip on historic Route 66 with a buddy of hers. If you want a really good, soul-fulfilling laugh, trek on over to her blog and read the rules. My favorite exerps:

#4 Don't stay with friends in Lake Havasu, esp. white trash friends who chain smoke and booze while pregnant. It is too sad. The strangest thing I heard on the entire trip was this:
White trash friend - Honey, where's the washing machine?
White trash friend's boyfriend - Xyz took it.
White trash friend - Wa huh?
White trash friend's boyfriend - He needed to wash some clothes and I didn't want him to use up our electricity.

#9 Do go hiking at Walnut Canyon and wonder why years of smoking, sporadic exercise, and thin-ass high altitude air is making your lungs collapse.

My sister is the coolest...

Great Movies - 2fer Monday?!

2006-04-24T11:58:00.000-05:00

Wxman usually does a 2fer Tuesday post, but he inspired me recently with his Grosse Pointe Blank review (this is an awesome flick, by the way), and I simply could not wait till Tuesday. It would seem that we are both Cusack fans, so I would like to recommend two of my favorite Cusack flicks.

The first is another Charlie Kaufman classic. The one that landed him on the map, actually. Being John Malkovich stars Cusack, Cameron Diaz, Catherine Keener, and......you guessed it.....John Malkovich. This movie is a hoot! It's got that dry and absurdist Kaufman humor throughout the whole flick. Sort of like Wes Anderson, with some Terry Gilliam sprinkled in.

Cusack plays a "puppeteer (John Cusack) who discovers a door in his office that allows him to enter the mind and life of John Malkovich (John Malkovich) for 15 minutes. The puppeteer then tries to turn the portal into a small business."

My favorite part is pictured above as Cusack finds his office on the 6th and a half floor, which was created by the company founder who married what he thought was a Leprechaun. Yes, that kind of humor.

My second Cusack flick is a complete flip. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil is a bayou mystery with a hint of supernatural. I LOVE stuff like this! The cast includes Cusack at his best, Kevin Spacey, Jack Thompson, Irma Hall, and Jude Law.

I won't give away the plot, but suffice to say there are secrets upon secrets to be revealed. Including some that come out of left field!

Cusack has been acting since the 80's, and he's been good right out of the gates. Here's my quick list of Cusack faves. And as Wxman said, his sister Joan only spices things up when she also appears. I've noted movies where they both star with an asterisk.

Better Off Dead
Say Anything*
The Grifters
Grosse Pointe Blank*
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil
Being John Malkovich
High Fidelity*
Identity

Great Movies - Clockers

2006-04-20T23:31:00.000-05:00

I was not an early Spike Lee fan. I remember sneaking into my living-room late at night to watch a rented copy of She's Gotta Have It when I was 13, because my mother wouldn't let me see it in the theater. EVERYONE was talking about this low-budget movie from a relatively unknown film-maker. And remarkably, there were no pimps, prostitutes, gang-violence, drugs, guns, thugs, or any of the other elements usually present in "black" movies. Just a critical look at a black woman and the men who she is most intimately connected to. Of course, as a 13-year-old boy, the most important part of the flick was that Tracy Camilla Johns got naked. I had seen her in a Tone Loc video (Wild Thing), and I KNEW I had to see this movie! And so I watched it. And I laughed a couple of times. And I fell asleep on it. Yes, there were some lovely brown boobies. No, there were not enough of them to distract from the boringly slow pace of the film. Again, this was through the eyes of a 13-year-old.

Later, came Do The Right Thing. Remember a while back when I said that movies, for me, are very much about where I was at the time when I saw them? VERY true about Do The Right Thing. I was just becoming socially conscious, prep school had become very confining, and I was basically a bundle of energy looking for an outlet. Thus, I thought the movie was a masterpiece. Instant classic. And there were Rosie Perez boobs. (Remember, I was 15, so this was a very important part of a movie-going experience.)

Today, neither movie would make my top list, and I'll tell you why. Spike Lee was not a great film-maker in his early career. His plot-lines meandered, his dialogue was stilted, his characters aspired to be 3-dimesional, and his attempts at artful cinematography ended up looking like poor imitations of masters like Scorsese and De Palma. But he got better. Really, he did! Mo' Betta Blues, Malcolm X (Denzel was ROBBED of the Oscar!), and then a surprise return to the low-budget realm with an often overlooked gem called Crooklyn. I saw it with my girlfriend (now my wife) in the theater, and that's when I realized that Spike had come into his own in only three short films.

That's what drove me to Clockers on opening night.

The cast is simply phenomenal. Harvey Keitel, John Turturro, Delroy Lindo, Regina Taylor, and Mekhi Phifer in his debut role. The use of imagery and symbolism in this film is amazing, and many say that it's more vivid in its characterizations than it's parent novel. Clockers is a gritty portrayal of how so many different elements in the ghetto work to cannabilize our children and maintain a cycle of crime and drug abuse. From the abusive surrogate father figures to the crooked cops, it shows how one guy who represented the worst makes an escape and ultimately earns redemption. And he does earn it. Hmmm, I sense a pattern in my recent blog entries. I think it started with Blade Runner and has continued through the Jude case. I need to focus on some lighter material...

Anyways, the movie is among my top ten, so check it out!

Not Guilty??? - Give me a f*cking break!

2006-04-19T22:33:00.000-05:00

"An all-white jury deliberated for more than 25 hours before finding three former Milwaukee police officers not guilty Friday night on four of five charges in the brutal beating of Frank Jude Jr., who is biracial."

Yes, I was around in LA several years ago when a similar verdict was reached in another case of police brutality. We studied the Rodney King case extensively in a criminal justice class in college. Our professor asked us, just for one minute, to put ourselves in the place of the officers chasing King. I'm all for looking at things from different perspectives, so I went along, even with my preconceived notions that no one is EVER justified for brutalizing another human being to that degree. And you know what? Through a series of role-playing exercises, I began to see that being a police officer in a large, high crime city is freakin' dangerous work that gets to you on a mental level. You're chasing some guy, he's pretty big and looks high, you taser him and he won't go down, and you think he may be on PCP and that if you don't subdue him, your life may end pretty damn quickly. Eh, well, it still doesn't justify the beating I saw on tape. Sorry, it just doesn't. There reached a point where King was immobilized and the cops were beating on him UNTIL YOU COULD SEE THE FATIGUE ON THEIR FACES! They were TIRED of beating him!

Now, the Jude case is quite a different story. No chase, no perceived threat to the (off-duty) cops, no nothing. Just an alleged theft of a badge, which was never recovered by the way, and a beating so severe that the emergency room doctor took extra pictures because, "he had the worst ear injuries she had ever seen in 15 years of practice." Ears?! Not only was Jude kicked, punched, and throttled, but he also had foreign objects jammed into his ears and anus! This was not a beating one receives from someone defending themselves or trying to subdue someone, this was a beating to exact revenge. It smacks outwardly of a hate-crime, similar to the lynchings of old.

However, I'm not sure that the jury's acquittal was related to racism. At least not directly. Sure it was an all-white jury in Wisconsin. I'm not stupid. But far more interesting was the fact that most of the off-duty police officers present at the "party" denied witnessing the beating. HUH?!
Apparently, their testifying would run afoul of a Milwaukee police officer unofficial code of silence on such matters. What's a jury to do, right?

Wait, I have a joke about this. Two black men go to a party with a couple of white women. Stop me if you've heard it. In fact, I think I've heard it before. Something similar, at least...

Race and Identity - A podcast?

2006-04-12T12:18:00.000-05:00

If you didn't notice the picture of me in my virtual postcard from Belize, I'm black. REALLY black, actually. Darker skinned than probably anyone you know (except for Wxman who claims to have met the darkest black man in the world). And yet, what you probably didn't know is that I am ultimately the product of a mixed ethnic background. Let me explain.

Most black people in this country can only trace their lineage back for a few generations before records become hopelessly muddled. As we were considered second-class citizens as recently as forty years ago, let's just say that our birth and death records were relegated to the same status. Luckily, my mother's side of the family is EXTREMELY long lived. My great-grandmother Cornelia Ross-Murphy recently passed at the age of 104. I had met her only twice in my life, and I was just a little squirt at the time so I didn't really remember what she looked like. That is, until I saw the copy of her funeral program.

Her picture is striking on two counts. First, in her day, she was gorgeous. Sorry, but I just don't typically think of someone over the age of....oh say 70 as being beautiful. Clearly this picture of her was taken when she was in her 20's or 30's. Second, she doesn't look a THING like me! It was actually quite a shock to notice how light-skinned she was. I decided to ask my aunt about any mixed heritage we might have, and she hinted that we needed more than a few hours for THAT conversation. There was also some quality text in the funeral program that spoke to this issue:

Cornelia spoke openly of her grandfather, Wiley Parker, who was stolen from Indians in Alabama and brought to Texas where he was raised and educated by his abductors...

Maybe some creative license was taken with how the story has been handed down, but clearly if I wanted to trace my bloodline, it would lead in more directions than just West Africa.

Thus it baffles me how children of direct mixed ethnic heritage think of themselves as something "different" than other black people in this country.
Being black in America spans the spectrum from the lightest of light to the darkest of dark, and everything in between. Slavery CREATED this heritage (I'll avoid the gory details), and it defines the very origins of ethicity in America, and indeed the entire western hemisphere. My wife, for example, is actually not an African-American, appearances to the contrary. What most Americans do not know is that Belizians are a diverse ethnic mixture of Native, African, and European heritage. But if you ask her if she is black, she would not hesitate to say yes. Because she understands that the diversity of ethnicity is what defines black people from Canada to Argentina. And yet, each successive generation in the US thinks their particular struggle to identify themselves is unique. I first experienced this with multi-racial friends in college. Their attitude on having a "different" identity continued to baffle me well into my 20's. But later I began to understand the deepening class-related issues that currently afflict America. Often these class-related issues cross-cut with mixed-race issues, more now probably than any time in history as there are more interracial relationships today than ever. Middle-class multi-racial children look out at popular black culture which has remained ghetto-ized without progress for decades, and find they have more in common with their white middle-class counterparts. NEWSFLASH: Middleclass black people feel the SAME WAY! Just listen to Bill Cosby's or Barak Obama's latest rants, and you'll get the gist. Doesn't mean we're any less black, but it does mean increasingly this is the ONLY connection we feel with black ghetto culture.

But if class is our next big hurdle, why is mainstream white America still obsessed with race? Yes, I said obsessed. Especially in the Midwest. Interracial realtionships are still shocking to mainstream Wisconsin-ers. My wife and I still get stared at while walking through our little town. At a restaurant or at the video store. I'd like to think everyone is staring at her rack, but it's just not true, as awesome as her rack is. I watch the lady at the post office flinch as I approach her to ask for some stamps. I see the man at the gas station's eyes nervously dart from my hands to his telephone as I come in to pay for a full tank. White America still has some soul searching to do. Conservatives think that Colin Powell, Condaleeza Rice, and two decades of affirmative action make them IMMUNE to racism. Liberals think that racism just doesn't apply to them because...... they're liberals. Yeah, right. I ask both white liberals and conservatives, what would you do if your son or daughter brought home a black girlfriend or boyfriend. Have you talked about it? What does your wife think? Your husband? Your neighbors? Your parents? Your church? We've talked about it and we don't even have any kids yet! Odds are that our child will go to schools where he or she will not be in the majority, and thus will probably end up dating outside of their race. We're okay with this. Are you? That's the true definition of tolerance.

And this all brings me to a new podcast I found. Addicted to Race. I haven't listened to it yet, but it seems interesting. I'll give it a spin this evening and post a quick review later this week...

More Retail Tales... I think I'm going to hell.

2006-04-11T11:39:00.000-05:00

So, we've got about three kids who come into the store regularly to just play with our displays and hang out. For hours at a time. Now these kids have varying degrees of mental health issues, so I tend to be a bit more tolerant of them than I am with the local "mentally stable" kids who decide that it will be fun to go into [INSERT NAME OF BIG BOX RETAILER HERE] on a Saturday night after the movie and tear up the displays that took the employees about a week to build. (But that's another story.) However, if anyone (mentally ill or not) is too loud, belligerent, or disruptive I will ask them to leave. Period. And that's how I ended up getting cursed.

The kid who I see most often appears to be mildly autistic. Very focused, never looks in a person's eyes, non-communicative, but apparently intelligent. He's attends the local high school and walks EVERYWHERE around town. He comes into the store about three times a day on the weekends to either sing country karaoke, play Madden on the X-Box 360 big-screen display, or play hardcore gangster rap on a laptop that's conected to iTunes while rapping along and looking at his reflection on the plastic partition in the computer department laptop display. Which do you think he does when I'm working? Yup, it's all Fitty-Cent, all the time. Before you decide that I'm a heartless sonofab*tch who deserves to be burnt at the stake for taking this entry in the direction we all know it's going, let's pause to get a mental picture.

17-year-old white kid, 5'9" and 140lbs soaking wet with a scruffy beard, wearing a t-shirt, jeans and boots. He is standing over a laptop in the computer department. The only laptop with speakers, by the way. The volume is cranked to 10, 50-Cent is swearing up a storm, and the kid is staring at himself in the reflective plastic partition, bobbing his head, and making faces and hand-gestures while rapping along with Fitty at full "outside-voice" volume. Okay, you got that image? Now picture yourself shopping for a laptop at my store.

Ray: Looks like they have the new Gateway on display over......WHOA. WOW. Uh...hang on, honey. Let's grab those DVD's first and we'll come back to look at the laptops.

I watched it happen once, twice, three times till I finally decided something had to be done. The computer dept employees were already having a pow-wow as I approached.

A: You know, he's not retarded.
Me: Yeah, I know. He just seems to be mildly autistic. You need to do something about this...
Dept Mgr: Me?! This is my first week! What do you want ME to do?
Me: Okay, I'll do it. I'm just going to let him know that there's a time-limit on the displays, and that he's just got to tone it down. You'll need to do this going forward.
A: You know he's a genius. K goes to school with him. He gets straight A's. The only thing missing is social skills. He's just not moving with the flow of traffic socially.
Me: Clearly. I just feel bad.
In Unison: Yeah.
Me: Okay, I'll give him five more minutes.
(In that time THREE more customers veer off as the kid continues to yell and gesture wildly about bitches, niggas, and gangsta hijinks. The word "frenzy" would not be inaccurate.)
Me: (Walking over to the kid as the others hold their breath. He turns the volume down and pauses as I approach.) Hey, can you take a break from this computer for a while?
Kid: (softly) Yes.
Me: Thanks. I don't care if you use the demo's, but please keep it to 10 minutes or so. Other customers want to check them out.
Kid: Okay.

As I walk away, the Kid bolts from the display and makes makes a quick loop around the department while.......growling. Yes, growling. As he circles in front of me again, he hisses at me and curls his fingers into what he probably believes are gang signs. If it was New Orleans or Jamaica, I'm sure it would have been called a curse or the evil eye. So be it. Maybe I deserved a curse...

Great Movies #5 - Fight Club

2006-04-05T16:42:00.000-05:00

I'm watching it right now. I think once every six months is just about right. It serves to remind me of the truly important things in life. Corporate life sometimes robs you of this perspective.

Another boy meets girls story. :-)
Boy meets girl. Boy has passionate, freaky sex with girl. Boy goes a little crazy and scares girl off. Boy gets girl back by leveling half of downtown with high-yield explosives.

Tyler Durden: Do you know what a duvet is?
Jack: It's a comfortor.
Tyler: It's a blanket. It's just a blanket. Now why do guys like you and I know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word?
Jack: No.
Tyler: What are we then?
Jack: I dunno. Consumers?
Tyler: Right. We are consumers. We are byproducts of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty. These things don't concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, viagra, olestra.
Jack: Martha Stewart.
Tyler: Fuck Martha Stewart! Martha's poliching the brass on the Titanic. It's all going DOWN, man!

Fight Club (1999), starring Ed Norton, Brad Pitt and Helena Bonham Carter is the epitome of what I would call a male-ist film. (I would define male-ism as the male form of feminism.) In fact, I think it is truly the only one of it's kind. Now don't get this confused with chick-flick (anything starring Sandra Bullock) vs. dude-flick (anything starring Bruce Willis). Fight Club provides the first look on a cinematic level at the 21st century ego of an entire generation of men who grew up without fathers. We are macho and vulnerable, ignorant yet intelligent, full of rage and yet in need of love. Why are our relationships with women difficult? Because we do not truly understand how to relate to each other. Hence our passion for violent sport wherein we watch the only male intimacy we've ever known: fist connecting to skull. It's intoxicating. Give me boxing over the NCAA any day. Team sports are about such complex issues as leadership and teamwork. But one-on-one fighting grasps at something primal. Something that provokes a reaction even within an observer. Your pulse and breathing quicken, your lips curl back, your teeth clench, and your fists tighten. I remember getting into a fight OVER a fight! An argument about the victor in a Holyfield match.

"Sometimes all you could hear were the flat, hard packing sounds over the yelling. Or the wet choke when someone caught their breath and sprayed. You weren't alive anywhere like you were there."

As Tyler and Ed Norton's character share a house, they begin to share their rage with each other.

Tyler: If you could fight anyone, who would you fight?
Jack: I'd fight by boss, probably.
Tyler: Really.
Jack: Yeah. Why? Who would you fight?
Tyler: I would fight my dad.
Jack: I don't know my dad. I mean I know him, but he left when I was like six years old. He had this other woman, and these other kids. And he did this like every six years. He goes to a new city and starts a new family.
Tyler: Fucker's setting up franchises. My dad never went to college, but he thought it was REAL important that I go.
Jack: Sounds familiar.
Tyler: So I graduate and I call him up long distance and I say, now what? He says get a job.
Jack: Same here.
Tyler: Now I'm 25. I make my yearly call again. I say dad, now what? He says, I dunno. Get married.
Jack: I can't get married. I'm a 30-year-old boy.
Tyler: We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.

In fact the answer lies is an analysis of our OWN values. And in a deep, hard look in the mirror. Sometimes, we don't like what we see. But we'd better get used to it.

I warn you. This, like some of the other movies listed on this blog, is a cult classic. Watching it is more than habit-forming. If you're a guy who can't relate, there's still violence and sex. And if you're a woman..... Well, my wife hates it. And to be honest, most women I know hate it. But if you're a woman, watching it just may provide you with a few answers to questions I KNOW you think about. In parting, I leave you with one of my favolite quotes:

"I felt bad for guys packed into gyms trying to look like how Calvin Klein or Tommy Hilfigger said they should."
Jack: (Pointing to a Calvin Klein ad) Is that what a man looks like?
Tyler: Self-improvement is masturbation. And self-destruction.

Life (call it a tag)

2006-04-05T15:49:00.000-05:00

My buddy Wxman has a funny entry over at Not As Good As I Once Was. Here's my take on MY life in as many words...

Life
I have a job that is frustrating at times and I have to drive too far to get there. I'm trying to start my own thing. Actually 3 or 4 things. My wife and I talk about kids, but I'm wondering if we're getting too old to have them. I need to exercise more. I wish I had Fight Night (X-Box 360). It is still too cold to grill. I sometimes drink too much. Oh, such is life. I miss these times:

Belizian food

2006-04-01T23:29:00.000-06:00

My sister asks, so I will tell. Belizian food is not something that can be easily categorized. If you go to a restaurant in some of the smaller cities, you'll likely be disappointed. They only serve the national dish of "rice & beans", plantain, and stewed chicken or beef. No menus. Just your choice of beef or chicken. VERY tasty, but boring after a few days. Most people cook at home, and that's where the cool Belizian dishes are prepared. If you get to a nice restaurant in Belize City, you can also sample some of those cool dishes. There's fish, lamb, a dozen different pastries and breads, and even some Mexican fusion dishes. Those who don't like their food spicy should beware. Belizian heat is legendary. Pay heed or your asshole will hold you accountable...

40 gigs of porn?!

2006-04-01T23:11:00.000-06:00

That's what we found in the computer of a customer yesterday. 40 gigabytes, and that was just video! That's like my entire amount of harddrive space from my three year old computer! That's DAYS of video!

Let me take this moment to explain that I have NOTHING against porn. I worked in the San Fernando Valley for eight years, so I am intimately familiar with the industry. Personally, in my old age I've found that I prefer tease to a gynecology exam, but who am I to piss in some other pervert's cornflakes. And that brings me to the weird part of the porn we discovered.

Watching naked people is one thing. Watching them have sex is another. Watching them perform other bodily functions is in a whole different realm. And watching them have sex with farm animals is...... well, it's just plain downright f*cked up. I have no other words for what I witnessed residing on this person's computer. Some of the things were fairly run-of-the-mill, and others made me want to gouge my eyes out and scrub my brain so that I could UN-WATCH THEM!!! To use instant-messaging phraseology: OMFG!!!

Blade Runner - Part 2

2006-04-01T23:00:00.000-06:00

Yes, this movie is so good, I needed a follow up to my original post as I just remembered something weird.

About six years ago, I went to see a special screening of Blade Runner at the Cinerama Dome in Hollywood with one of my best buddies. For me, this was an incredibly special moment as it was the first time I had EVER seen it on the big screen. I was enthralled watching the whole flick as it was intended to be viewed. About 3/4's of the way through, during the scene where Roy Batty (android) confronts Tyrell (his creator), I noticed that the dialog was different than I had heard on video. The dialog I was familiar with had Roy saying to Tyrell, "I want more life, f*cker." (Replicants were not built to last, unfortunately. Only a four year life span...) However, in the version I saw at the dome (supposedly the original from 1982), Roy said this instead: "I want more life, father." Small, but significant alteration. Does anyone know why the dialog was changed?

Great Movies #4 - Blade Runner (UPDATED!)

2006-03-30T21:41:00.000-06:00

Tyrell - "The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long. And you have burned so very very brightly, Roy."

Blade Runner is quite simply my all-time favorite movie ever made. There are two reasons that explain my passion for this film.

Reason #1 relates to something Vince Vaughn once told me. I was hanging out at Canter's in L.A. with my sister and my friend. Canter's is an LA icon; restaurant by day, with live music at night on weekends. So, my friend noticed that Vince Vaughn was enjoying the show with us, and she sort of went nuts. This is normally a pretty outgoing chick who'll walk up to anybody and start a conversation. But when she noticed Vince, she just clammed up and got all shy. But she was still DYING to meet him. So me, being the "good" guy-friend, decides to play hook-up. As Vince exits for a smoke, I follow him out and strike up a conversation. I acted like I didn't recognize him, and I just started talking about how LA seemed to have changed so much since I left, but that I really missed it. He responded by saying that maybe it wasn't LA that had changed, but rather it was me. He said that memories of places and things are rooted in a context of where my life was at the time I experienced them. Thus nostalgic memories are less about the place or thing, and more about how I felt when I was actually there. Truer words have never been spoken. I didn't miss the smog, or the traffic, or the over-priced coffee in LA. But I did miss that feeling of "home" that I always felt when I was growing up.

Blade Runner for me is less about the movie itself, and more about my father. I lost my father on my sixteenth birthday as I was recovering from an appendectomy. And on that day, I began a journey that culminated several years later as I realized that everything I thought I knew about the man I called Dad was a series of carefully crafted lies. Lies designed to protect me, but lies nonetheless. And after understanding the truth, I slowly stopped loving him. Piece by piece, all of my pleasant memories of being with my dad were ruined by the truth-telling subtitles that my mind added. All except for one tiny memory of watching Blade Runner with him for the first time. We had rented it on VHS, and as we sat on the couch to watch it together, he reminded me for the 100th time that this was his favorite movie. And I endured it, simply because it meant that I got to spend a precious few hours with my father who was frequently absent. But I never really got into the movie. Not until after he died. Weeks after his funeral, I watched that movie over and over until I popped the tape. I think I was looking for some sort of deeper understanding of the man. If I could understand something he loved, maybe I would understand HIM better. And you know what? I think I do. And now everytime I watch Blade Runner, for just a brief moment I am back on the couch with my dad, sitting next to him and smelling his Old Spice after-shave, and wondering why there was no DIALOGUE in this freakin' movie.

Reason #2 relates to what I discovered after watching Blade Runner for the fifth time in high school. It is a DAMN good movie. My maturity level had just reached the point at age 17 where I could finally understand the core concepts. I was also just finishing up a horror movie phase, and was beginning to gain an appreciation for the nuances of quality cinema. Blade Runner as a film, evolved from a short story by Philip K. Dick called "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep." At the core of that story was the question of whether humanity is simply the sum of its parts, or whether we have a soul. And if indeed we have a soul, can we confer it upon our own creations? The story itself is as old as Frankenstein, but I can't get enough of it. Ridley Scott, however, accomplished the rare feat of EXPANDING on that concept and making a movie as compelling as the short story. This was a young and hungry Ridley Scott that had just finished one of the greatest horror films EVER made: Alien. His casting choices were superb, as they have all gone on to establish legendary filmographies: Harrison Ford, Sean Young, Rutger Hauer, Edward James Olmos, Daryl Hannah, and M. Emmet Walsh. The atmosphere is pure future noir. Deckard is a special cop tasked with hunting down and "retiring" rebellious replicants (androids who were made a little too well). Deckard narrates most of the story in a sort of Philip Marlowe voice-over, but we also get to know each of the replicants. For me the defining scene that always stops my heart is when one of the replicant females begins running through plate glass windows in a mall trying to escape as Deckard shoots her twice in the back. And Deckard is supposed to be the hero. As one of the replicants says near the end of the movie, Deckard is supposed to be the "good" man. And yet he still shoots a woman in the back.

And then there's the controversy. The Director's cut of the movie eliminated Deckard's voice-over, cut the hopeful ending, and added a scene that seems to indicate that Deckard himself is a replicant. When recently interviewed, Harrison Ford said that the Director's cut was crap, his character was not a replicant, and he really didn't enjoy making the movie in the first place. How do you think he REALLY feels? Personally, I prefer the original theatrical version, voice-over, happy ending, and everything. I can't tell you why. I just do.

If you're a scifi fan, you'll know that Blade Runner has helped define the genre for the last 20 years. It's cinematic vision of a bleak and desolate future Los Angeles has influenced films from Total Recall to the Matrix. From the Wikipedia page:

"The film's dark cyberpunk style and futuristic design have served as a benchmark and inspired many subsequent science fiction films and television programs, including Batman, RoboCop, The Fifth Element, Ghost in the Shell, Dark Angel, Firefly, and The Matrix. It has also influenced animes, including Akira, Armitage III, Cowboy Bebop and Bubblegum Crisis. Before shooting began on Batman Begins, director Christopher Nolan reportedly screened Blade Runner to the film's crew and told them, "This is how we're going to make Batman." Even the Star Wars prequels have paid homage to Blade Runner in their special effects sequences."

And if you watch it today, the special effects STILL HOLD UP! That's more than can be said of Star Wars. So, if you're in the mood for some cerebral scifi, with occasional scenes of horrific violence, get thee to Netflix. I guarantee a movie experience unlike no other.

Just a taste of Belize - Day 4

2006-03-24T19:54:00.000-06:00

Here's a little taste for you suckas in the Tundra!

Great Movies #3 - Eve's Bayou

2006-03-23T20:44:00.000-06:00

Mozelle - "Life is filled with goodbyes, Eve, a million goodbyes, and it hurts every time."

Eve's Bayou. Maybe it's the humidity, or maybe it's Lisa Nicole Carson's cleavage. In any case, I've been thinking about this movie quite a bit lately. One of my top five of all time starring Samuel L. Jackson, Lynn Whitfield, and Debbi Morgan. And it's the first movie Kasi Lemmons wrote and directed. The movie buffs out there will remember Kasi from a couple of tiny roles in movies like Silence of the Lambs and Candyman. Who knew she was an awesome writer?

This movie is dripping with atmosphere and filled vivid characters. You can't quite call it noir, but if there was such a thing Bayou noir, this is it. And there's a heathy amount of voodoo mysticism thrown in for good measure courtesy of movie veteran Cicely Tyson. The story is very original and deals with some unsettling issues, so I would say to use some discretion if you're planning to screen this to the family. Don't be fooled by that fact that two children are the stars. And speaking of the kids (Jurnee Smollett and Meagan Good), they all really turn in powerful performances. They were both Dakota Fanning-quality before Dakota was a twinkle in her daddy's eye. Haven't heard much from either one these days, though...

Anyways, just in case you're considering not renting this movie (and you're a dude or a lesbian), I will give you two reasons to log on to Netflix.com right now.

Damn, it's hot...

2006-03-22T13:15:00.000-06:00

It's got to be pushing triple digits today. Wish I had a witty way to spin it, but I don't. It's still a great break from the Wisconsin cold, though. With the humidity, I don't even need any lotion! The heat should break around Friday I'm told, but until then, I'll just keep drinking cold beer and laying out by the lagoon. Sucks, huh?

Belize – end of Day 2

2006-03-22T11:11:00.000-06:00

So there I was, putting in 12-hour days at work, packing, cleaning the house, shopping for cool (meaning non-hot) clothes, rounding up last minute gift requests from my brother-in-law, shoveling snow, and trying to edit and upload Underground Media's first podcast. Don't underestimate the challenge of editing a podcast. Wxman and myself generated over an hour of good drunken news commentary that meandered from topics such as illegal downloading and the latest portable media gadgets to the current state of the neo-conservative movement and it's impact on the Republican party! And I think we talked about boobs. It was left over commentary from the Oscar's mainly, but there was definitely boob talk. And, as Wxman and I are who we are, I'm fairly certain that there will continue to be boob talk in future podcasts. But, I digress. The point is that I was doing a million things at once, all to make sure everything was ready for my week in Belize.

Belize, for those who are too lazy to click my wikipedia link, is a tiny Central American country sandwiched between Mexico and Guatemala. It's about the size of Rhode Island with about as many people. There are several unique things about Belize that I was aware of BEFORE I got here.

* It's the only really stable government in Central America (other than Mexico). Democratic government, no revolutions, no guerrilla warfare, etc.
* Almost everyone here speaks English! Not that I would ever go to another country and demand they speak English to me, but damn it makes things like ordering drinks easy. Actually, most of the people here speak Creole, which is similar to English, and easy enough to pick up on.
* The people here are an ethnic mix of Native, African, Asian, and Caucasian.
* The exchange rate with the US is fixed at 2:1. Nice round numbers.
* It gets REALLY hot and humid.
* It's more Carribean than Central American, mostly because of the slave trade...
* It has the singular distinction of having produced my wife.

There are several other unique things about Belize that I became aware of AFTER I arrived.

* That ethnic mixture I referred to above is by no means an equal distribution. All different shades of people with no apparent “dominant” class actually live and work together, speak at least three different languages, and eat the same food! To American eyes, their ethnicity would appear indistinct and we would struggle to classify them. But to them, there are no questions of origin as they span the spectrum from the whitest white to the darkest black and everything in-between.
* Belize is home to the most beautiful women on the planet. Now, I have to qualify my statement by saying I haven't been to that many places. But I have seen a lot of women, and there is no question in my mind that they are the hottest. And, yes, I am married to one. And if you've met her, don't let her cool, geneticist exterior fool you. She's a nerd, but she's hot nerd.
* Belizian humidity is FAR kinder to my skin than the dry Wisconsin cold. I left 25 degrees of dry and crackly, and arrived in 88 degrees of moist deliciousness.

The most important thing I realized as I have now logged a whole two days in sunny Corozal, Belize, is about myself. I am not so deluded that I expected a life-altering epiphany after the stereotypical “trip to another country” a la Lost in Translation. But I have learned something. My pace over the last six years, and especially the last six months has been lightspeed. Moved, promotion, promotion, moved, married, promotion, moved, quit, hired, fired, invested, divested, hired, and currently working my ass off at over 55 hours/week. After two days in Corozal, I lost track of time. Literally! I could not keep track of the date or time, and it's in the same flippin' time zone I left! Now, Belize isn't some sun-drenched honeymoon paradise-style resort country that you see advertised on late-night TV cruise commercials. Corozal is a small working-class town right on the Gulf. Catholic kids go to school, vendors sell lime juice and fruit in the streets, and restaurants open for a few hours and serve four or five traditional Belizian dishes. It's hot, but the breeze from the Gulf is the most awesome feeling in the world. Everyone says “good morning” and there's no crime to speak of. It was almost like a Twilight Zone episode, with people of all different colors working together and speaking different languages, but still being friendly to foreigners like me. And Rod Serling steps out and says something like, “On the surface, this idyllic town that time forgot seems like something out of a dream. But soon our hero will find out that all is not as it seems. In the Twilight Zone.” Duhn Duhn DUHN!!! And that's when I find out that I've been kidnapped by aliens and I'm an animal in their human zoo.

Sorry, but that was an awesome episode. Anyways, without the press of time or job worries to contend with, I have begun doing the things that are most important to me. Spending time with my wife and talking to her. Getting to know her family. Listening to the stories of those around me. I'm a huge people-watcher, but somewhere along the line, I lost the ability to really LISTEN to others. But for whatever reason, that's all I've done for two days. Listen. And that's my lesson for today.

Shut the f*ck up for a minute and listen. You just. Might. Learn. Something.

2006-03-15T09:43:00.000-06:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Great movies #2 - Donnie Darko

2006-03-13T22:30:00.000-06:00

Donnie - "Why are you wearing that stupid bunny suit?"
Frank - "Why are YOU wearing that stupid man suit?"

Talk about unforgettable movie lines, right? When I first saw this Richard Kelly classic I was entranced by it's style. Sort of a Rod Serling's Twilight Zone meets David Lynch. It's got a surreal and almost lackadaisical pacing, while constantly reminding us with deadly urgency that the clock is ticking. Donnie is a somewhat disturbed rich kid who is prone to blackouts and sleepwalking. After a jet plane engine crashes into his bedroom (Donnie was spared a fiery death because he was sleepwalking at the time), Donnie is suddenly visited by a mysterious 6' bunny rabbit named Frank. I don't want to give anything away, but the stage is set when Donnie's love interest says, "Donnie Darko? That sounds like a superhero's name."

The cast is deliciously off-beat, but perfect for this flick. Jake Gyllenhaal before Jarhead and Brokeback, Mary McDonnell (Battlestar Galactica), Patrick Swayze, Jena Malone, Noah Wyle, and Drew Barrymore all turn in top-notch performances. And if you're a child of the 80's, you'll love that almost every scene is set classic 80's rock hits from groups like Tears For Fears and Duran Duran. This film has spawned a HUGE cult following, so beware. Once you watch it, you'll become obsessed. I guarantee it.

Great movies you've never heard of #1

2006-03-12T23:59:00.000-06:00

Yes, I'm a movie nut. But let me qualify that statement. Not the kind of movie nut that times his Tuesday schedule to allow for a quick visit to his local retailer to purchase a copy of the most recent Hollywood blockbuster on DVD. Actually I think I own only about seven DVD's. Owning things like DVD's is complicated for me. I DO watch movies repeatedly, but not enough to justify them actually taking up space in my house. Let me explain:

I used to own hundreds of books, but then I had to move across the country. Just me, my '97 Nissan Altima, and a 4x6 trailer. I had to make some difficult choices with regard to the books. In the end, I had to jettison over 90% of them. Books that I had grown up with. Books that had given me lifelong advice. Books that had helped shaped my emotional makeup. Books that had INSPIRED me. I sold them all to a used bookstore in Santa Monica for gas money. But you know the funny thing? I didn't miss them. Years later, I still had all the knowledge and inspiration, but none of the paper tonnage. And when I really wanted to re-read something, I simply trekked down to the library and checked it out. For FREE!

Flashforward to the current DVD craze. And DAMN are they cheap! But, do I REALLY need three editions of the Matrix jammed into my entertainment center watching me far more often than I would watch them?

"The things you own end up owning you." (Fight Club, 1999)

Don't get me wrong. I still LOVE movies. I couldn't live without them. Dramas, thrillers, sci-fi, horror, documentaries, comedies, lesbian erotica (c'mon, every guy at least picks up the box), mysteries, you name it! But I almost never buy any. And unfortunately, the library isn't quite up to date with it's DVD selections. Enter Netflix. (No, I do not work for them.) Pay money, load up your queue, and enjoy something different every night. I always used to go to the video store and forget all of the cool movies I was thinking about a few hours ago. With Netflix, I just go to the website and load them in the queue when I think about it. Occasionally, I need some instant gratification, so I'll go to Blockbuster. And I ALWAYS regret it. The new releases are ALWAYS gone, and they have a sh*tty selection of older movies. Netflix, on the other hand, has captured the long tail of the market and has access to some of the most obscure titles simply because it doesn't have to cram them all into a 1K sq ft retail store.

Some of my most recent rentals include:

Oldboy (2003) (Korean)
A Love Song for Bobby Long (2004)
On the Waterfront (1954)
Gladiator (2000)
Chinatown (1974)
A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)

Not only has the Netflix phenomenon kept me up to my chin in movies, but it has also introduced me to a host of foreign stuff that Blockbuster just ain't got. Japanese horror, European thrillers, Spanish action, etc. Soooo much good stuff out there.

Anyways, my point was that I am going to try to take a few minutes each day and recommend a movie that you probably have never heard of, but is pretty darn cool. Today's selection will be Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

In my opinion, this is Charlie Kaufman's best next to Being John Malkovich (1999). Let me first say that I am NOT a Jim Carrey fan. His schtick was played out back in the days of In Living Color. But he shines in this movie opposite the riveting Kate Winslet. Kirsten Dunst and Elijah Wood co-star. Simple story. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Girl leaves boy and pays to have all memories of boy eradicated from her mind. Boy chooses to get the same procedure, but changes his mind in mid-erasure. This movie hits a 9.8 on my cool-o-meter. Rent it today.

"Random thoughts for Valentine's day, 2004. Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap." --Jim Carrey, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Retail tales... PART 2

2006-03-09T00:02:00.000-06:00

So, I hate dealing with customer complaints. No punchline, no joke. I just hate it. I'm the "Sales Manager", so I deal pretty exclusively with SALES, not returns or complaints. Not that these issues aren't important. Quite the opposite, in fact, since successful resolution of these issues usually determines if a customer will return or tell a friend about us. In my day, I was quite the customer service guru, making sure each and every person left my place of business with a smile on their face, no matter what their issue. However, my current company has......rules.....concerning returns, complaints, etc. These rules apparently cannot be broken, even over the most trifling amounts of money. Thus, as I have a penchant for BREAKING rules, I avoid customer service issues like the plague. In fact, the resolution of said issues falls to the ever present M.O.D. or Manager on Duty. This name is not quite intuitive as several managers are actually on duty at one time. But whichever of them is wearing the MOD hat at the time has the singular responsibility of giving the Caesar-like final thumbs up or thumbs down to all customer service issues. All of the managers in the store wear the MOD hat at various times, except for me. At ALL times, I am the designated SFL (Sales Floor Leader) and I have a simple philosophy regarding whoever is MOD. Better them than me.

So, there I was, finishing a soda. I threw the empty bottle away and hustled from around the manager's cube back onto the sales floor. This is always a tricky manuever as the manager's cube FACES the customer service desk. That's right. Each time I so much as want to check an email, I must walk past the graveyard of lost and angry customer-zombies. I call this the "Walk Of Shame". I want to help them, but I know that if I get involved three things will happen:

1. I will break rules
2. I will expose myself to my co-workers as a closet....... customer-lover
3. Much like real zombies (heh), once I start helping them, the customers WON'T...STOP...COMING. Ever play House of the Dead? It's kind of like that...

So I simply don't make eye contact. I just don't do it. And that usually works. Until I get someone who is unusually persistent.

Mrs Ray - "Young man!"

Me - (to myself) Hmmm, I wonder who she's talking to?

Mrs Ray - "I'm talking to you, young man!"

Me - "Huh?" Not my most eloquent moment, but I was not used to being called out during the Walk Of Shame. Nor was I used to being referred to as young as I work around a bunch of Gen Y'ers)

Mrs Ray - "Are you a manager?"

Me - (Looking at my nametag to verify that I was, in fact, a manager) "Yes, ma'am. Can I help you with something?" I said walking towards her. Darn that customer service instinct! And where in the HELL was that MOD?!

Mrs Ray - "Good. I've been explaining to the girl here," she said, indicating the customer service rep who was standing next to me, "That I need to exchange this MP3 player. It's defective."

The customer service rep gave me a mischievous look. She's a trouble-maker, this one. She loves jokes and pranks. This is the same chick who "accidentally" brushed my duker a few weeks ago. Yes, I said duker. Anyway, I could see the gleam in her eye as she ever so slightly glanced down at the MP3 player, and back up at me. She was wordlessly saying to me, "Dude, I've got a LIVE one here."

I looked down at the MP3 player, and then up at the rather mousy, disheveled woman in front of me. Defective?! It looked like someone had tried to drive a nail through the LCD screen! Clearly this was one of the precious few occasions in my book where the customer was NOT right. As I opened my mouth to break the news gently to her that this was clearly not a defect...

"Lady, that's called abuse," a voice said from behind me.

Ah, the MOD. Right on schedule. I might have phrased it a bit differently, but he had cut right to the chase. My instinct told me to high-tail it back to the floor, but another part of me wanted to see how this played out.

Mrs Ray - "Abuse? This isn't abuse. It's just a piece of plexi-glass and it's broken because it was poorly made."

MOD - "Ma'am, not only is the cover shattered, but the LCD screen underneath is punctured and bleeding. You broke it."

Mrs Ray - "I did NOT! My son took good care of it. His girlfriend was the one who broke it."

We all looked at each other as Mrs Ray turned around and beckoned her teenage son to come over. The MOD was suppressing a smirk. The customer service woman's eyes were watering. And I actually let a small laugh escape, covering it with a cough.

The son approached and stood next to his mother with a vacant look in his eyes.

Mrs Ray - "If you had sold me a case for it, this would NEVER have happened."

Me - "Ma'am, you just told me that your son's girlfriend broke the player. You're seriously asking us to replace it? For free???" I asked, incredulously.

Mrs Ray - "It didn't come with a case, and this cover is just a flimsy piece of plexi-glass. I paid $200 dollars for this in December," she said, unfurling her tattered receipt. "$200 dollars should buy better quality. It should be sturdier!"

MOD - "Ma'am, there's nothing we can do for you."

Mrs Ray - "I bought a cell phone from you people three years ago and I haven't so much as scratched it. That's because you sold me a nice case, and it was made of sturdy material."

Me - (I couldn't help it.) "And I'm sure you never let your son's girlfriend borrow it..."

Laughs and giggles erupted from all around me as Mrs Ray's eyes slitted in anger. Even her son laughed out loud.

One of my best friends has a saying. "It feels good to laugh," he always says.

My sister cracks me up!

2006-03-05T22:34:00.000-06:00

My sister is a twenty-something living single in LA. As avid movie fans, the Academy Awards are always a big event for us. She recently sent me this email regarding Hustle & Flow. Sometimes I think she should do stand-up. :-)

"You know, I'm still kind of stunned that they're gonna be playing 'its hard out here for a pimp' at the freakin Oscars! I heard a/b it on the radio and my jaw just dropped. I wonder if the crowd is going to be sitting there all uncomfortable...or if you'll see weird s*** like Dustin Hoffman and Jack Nicholson pumping their fists in the air and bobbing heads...or if only the black celebrities will be gyrating in their seats...or if they'll be too scared to move and just keep looking around them to see if anybody is watching them...or if the cameras will only focus in on the black celebrities during the performance (kind of like when someone wins the Oscar and then they get up in the losers' faces to register their reactions?) Well, I guess we'll see tomorrow. I'm co-hosting a party at a friend's house, so I'm gonna make sure to get krump! haha"

MPAA on the hunt again

2006-03-01T09:31:00.000-06:00

I'll give them this. The MPAA launches attacks with sniper-like precision, unlike the RIAA's shotgun approach. While the RIAA is busy suing individual music uploaders to the tune of some 700 or so every six months, the MPAA hits the file-sharing infrastructure. An analogy would be spraying Raid on random groups of ants infesting your house, or torching their nest.

For years, we thought Usenet was the safe haven for file sharing. It's the most complicated and clunky internet medium around, even for the uber-geeks. And that's really what kept it away from mainstream media attention. Heck, most people I know have never even *heard* of Usenet. But as with most things on the internet, it was bound to get a world wide web makeover at some point, just like email and chat. The NZB revolution happened about a year ago making downloading from Usenet about as easy as queueing up a Pay-Per-View movie on your cable box. Most people *still* don't know about it, but those NZB websites are everywhere. I'm sure the MPAA is simply being preemptive as they surely know the damage Usenet could wreak if unleashed upon the masses. Curious that they are only going after the indexing and search sites, though. That's akin to busting the guy who told you where you could score some drugs versus busting the actual drug dealers. In any case, I am still a firm believer that the MPAA's efforts are misplaced. Some simple facts:

* Downloaded first-run movies generally suck. They are usually recorded by some guy with a digicam sitting in the theater. The video is shaky, and the audio is horrible. And let's not forget the ambient noise of people eating popcorn, chatting and slurping sodas. All the drawbacks of going to the theater, with none of the benefits.

* Downloaded DVD rips fall into two categories:

1. Those compressed into MPEG-4 format. Small, easy to download, decent quality. But they defeat the whole purpose of watching a DVD. No extras! No behind the scenes, no director's commentary, no deleted scenes. And usually no surround sound.

2. Actual images of a complete DVD, including menus, extras, surround sound, etc. Awesome if it wasn't 8.4 GIGABYTES worth of data. "Honey, let's download a DVD to watch tonight. If we start downloading now, it will be done in only about five hours..." Yeah, right.

Nextflix or Blockbuster are WAY too cheap and easy for downloaded movies to be any sort of competition. Yet.

* Downloaded TV Shows are gooooooood. They are generally captured, encoded, and uploaded to give everyone access to programming that not all of us can enjoy because of where we live. For example, until recently, Americans had NO WAY to watch Dr. Who, as it was only airing on the BBC. Brits have no way of watching Battlestar Galactica. And Aussies are probably just now discovering the 4400. This is a great example of an unmet market demand!

You see, people actually pay for Usenet access. Yes, PAY for it. I pay $20/month to the fine people over at Giganews. And that's above and beyond what I pay for high-speed internet access! "Wait a minute," you're thinking. "I thought downloaders were just a bunch of freeloading pirates." No, we're just a bunch of people WILLING TO PAY for content the way WE want to watch it. Not 5000 channels filled with nothing I'm interested in. But individual shows on-demand. Simple, right? Well, not according to the entertainment industry. They'd rather distribute TV content for the FREAKING IPOD rather than dish out downloads for us regular consumers. And then they waste my time showing me trailers in movies that I PAID TO GO TO about how downloading is really stealing. Man, don't get me going on the stealing versus copyright infringement argument. Stealing your car is well....stealing. But making a sh*tty, compressed duplicate of your car is.....NOT stealing! Sorry, it just isn't!

Whoa, I better wrap this up. My blood pressure is rising. To everyone interested, I will soon be starting a "Podcast" for underground media. (Podcast is in quotes because I loathe the word. It seems to mean that you need an iPod to listen, but you DO NOT. It's just an MP3. Nothing more.) Any and all help would be appreciated, as I am currently a one man show. Thanks for reading, and see ya!

Ray Nagin's 15 minutes are over...

2006-02-22T22:22:00.000-06:00

Why are we so scared of change? And, yes, I mean we as black people AND we as Americans.

"Mayor RAY NAGIN (New Orleans): How do I make sure that New Orleans is not overrun by Mexican workers?"

Overrun?! By workers?! Working under rotten conditions to rebuild Ray's "chocolate" city?

It is my professional opinion that Ray Nagin is really Willy Wonka. He doesn't want Mexican workers rebuilding New Orleans because he'd rather rely on his trusty Oompa Loompas. Give me a freakin' break. Change is inevitable, people. Especially after a devastating natural disaster. New Orleans will never be the same. Doesn't mean it won't be an awesome city, but it will never be the same. Deal with it. And unless Ray really does have that army of Oompa Loompas, he should be thankful that his labor pool just got a much needed shot in the arm. I get the fact that an influx of cheap immigrant labor can have an arguably short-term detrimental effect on the local American labor market, but the last time I checked, two thirds of the population of New Orleans is still DISPLACED, and even with the immigrant workers, there is a LABOR SHORTAGE!

Neat articles here, here, and here.

Let's not deny immigrants our American dream. It's what makes us the coolest country around. And let's not forget, we all came here as immigrants originally.

Oh yeah, and I'll repeat this for effect. Ray Nagin's 15 minutes are OVER. Someone PLEASE turn him off!

Two posts in one day?!

2006-02-21T00:20:00.000-06:00

Richmond from One For The Road has tagged me to:

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

Well, this is pretty easy as I'm a loyal Last.fm user. I will simply go to my page and see what I've been listening to...

1. "Let's Get It Started" - Black Eyed Peas. One of my favorite groups since the 90's. Consistently good stuff, so it's never far from my jukebox playlist.

2. "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Could See..." - Busta Rhymes. This is one of the MOST important rap singles ever released. Hip Hop was somewhat directionless in 1997, living on posthumous releases from Tupac and Biggie. That is until Busta Rhymes returned to give us "When Disaster Strikes". Yes, it's that good.

3. "Cowboys and Angels" - George Michael. Yes, I like George Michael. Yes, I am heterosexual. Yes, I know that's weird. But I am enlightened.

4. "Numb and Encore" - Jay-Z and Linkin Park. Mark my words, this song will change the entire music industry when Miami Vice is finally released. Watch the trailer to hear 30 seconds of it. These were two separate songs, smashed together in the EP release, "Collision Course." Jay-Z's original version of Encore from the Black Album was average at best. But when Linkin Park backs him up with the tracks from Numb, something extraordinary happens, and Jay-Z suddenly has a fitting tribute to an historic career on what is supposedly his final album.

5. "It" - Prince. From his Sign O' The Times album. I'm listening to it as I write this. Prince is a musical genius, and although I haven't enjoyed all of his work, some of his classics rank among my top five favorite albums of all time.

6. "Rules" - Wu-Tang Clan. This track from their "The Iron Flag" album was released shortly after 9/11, and it's tinged with all the raw fury you'd expect from the most innovative New York rap group in history.

"America, united we stand, divided we fall!
Mr. Bush sit down, I'M in charge of the war!"

7. "Freaky Black Greetings" - Mos Def. If you find modern hip hop to be repetitive and tedious, then check out anything by Mos Def. 'Nuf said.

And, again, I can tag no one. I'm still stepping into the blogosphere...

Retail tales... PART 1

2006-02-20T22:56:00.000-06:00

The world of retail is often surreal. This sounds counter-intuitive since the people I come face-to-face with every day are truly members of the "general" public. It's as real-world as you can get in a job. And yet there are occasions when I actually believe that I'm the victim of some elaborate prank. That the things that some people say and do are so outlandish, that surely any minute Ashton Kutcher will spring from around the corner and tell me that I've been punk'd! For instance...

It's a regular early Sunday afternoon for me. The store is busy, and my morning Red Eye has just finished running it's course through me. Time to take care of some business. Sounds routine, right? Getting to the store's bathroom is actually an Indiana Jones-like affair. Remember the first ten minutes of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Yup, that's me headed to the bathroom. Except my booby-traps are actually customers and not giant boulders, although I'm not sure which is easier to get around. Usually, I walk through the store at a leisurely pace, smiling and stopping every few steps to greet customers and interact with employees. A Bathroom Mission begins very differently. Head down, shoulders square, grim stare, and brisk pace. And before I get ten feet, I see them staring at me. Ray and his wife. (As I said a few posts ago, I call them all Ray since Racine is better known as Ray-Town by the locals.) They are actually not staring at my face, but at my chest. Reading my name-tag over and over to themselves and trying to make sense of it. (I would like to go on record as saying that I HATE name-tags. As service people, is it too hard that we should reach over, shake hands with our customers, and introduce ourselves?! But, I digress.) It's got my name, the company's name, and my job title written in great big friendly letters, and it's magnetized to my left shirt pocket. And yet, as I draw close to Ray, he steps in front of me, still staring at my chest, and asks..... wait for it.....

"Do you work here?"

WTF?! Do I work here?! I'm wearing a suit in a sea of people dressed in sweatpants and camo jackets, I have a name-tag bearing the name of the place in which they are CURRENTLY SHOPPING, and I'm carrying a clipboard which is also emblazoned with the SAME company name!

Me: "I sure do!" "What can I help you with?"

Ray: "I need one of those iPods."

Me: "Great! Video, Nano or Shuffle?"

Ray: "Uh, an iPod."

Me: (Bladder beginning to push) "Well, there are a few different types. One of my guys is just finishing up with a customer. He'll be able to answer any questions you have in just a moment..."

Ray: "Which one of these is the iPod?"

Me: (Bladder now becoming painful) "Actually none of these. The iPods are over there," I say, pointing. "These are some of our other MP3 players."

Ray: "No, we don't want an MP3 player. We want an iPod."

Me: "Sir, if you'll excuse me..."

After THREE more encounters like this, I make it to the holy porcelain shrine, noticing that I have company. The stall next to my urinal is not only occupied, but filled with the sounds of rustling paper. Well, well, well, I think. My second favorite job-related thing in the world. Busting shoplifters. (My first is showing off to my employees by selling something that I secretly know a lot about.) An evil grin crosses my face and my palms begin to sweat as I zip up, walk to the sink, and slowly begin to devise my plan. Marvin Gaye suddenly interrupts my thought process. Or rather a clever ring-tone of "Let's Get It On" just at the part where he says "Aaaaawwwwwww YEAH, let's get it on". The man in the stall answers his phone, speaking at a level I would consider to be TWICE AS LOUD as anyone would talk to anyone else INSIDE of a public bathroom.

Ray: "Whazzup, Boo!" PAUSE. "I'm in the bathroom." PAUSE. "Yeah, I have the ad." PAUSE. RUSTLE. RUSTLE. "Yeah, they have the pink RAZR in here. Can I finish, please?" PAUSE. "Yes, just wait out by the cell phones, and I'll come find you." CLICK.

I was literally dumbfounded. My supposed shoplifter was actually a customer who had answered his cell phone on the sh*tter, while leafing through our weekly ad. Crass people talk on the phone in theaters. Idiots answer their phones on job interviews. What kind of person talks on their cell phone while on a public sh*tter?

TO BE CONTINUED...

The best scifi films never made

2006-02-15T23:27:00.000-06:00

Actually, half of the films David Wong talks about were actually made, but they were just screwed to hell. Although the article is certainly meant as a humor piece, it is quite insightful. And his commentary on George Lucas and Star Wars is frigging hilarious, as well as dead accurate. NEVER MAKE A PREQUEL. They go against everything that scifi stands for. An exerp:
************

Everyone remembers the exact moment when they realized that their Phanom Menace sandwich was filled with sh*t. For me, it was the scene on Tatooine where Qui-Gon is talking and Jar Jar is snatching fruit from the bowl with his tongue, eating like an insect. Annoyed, Qui-Gon reaches out and snatches his tongue out of the air and holds it in his fist while he talks. That was when I realized I was watching a cartoon.

***********
I remember watching the Phantom Menace preview for the first time with my sister. I was enthralled by the prospect of a new Star Wars flick, but she was stranglely unmoved. Granted, I was (and still am) a card-carrying geek. Yet and still, our movie tastes have a great deal of overlap. I remember that the conversation went something like this:

Me: I...CAN'T...WAIT!

Jase: I hate to burst your bubble, but did you see that cartoon guy with the floppy ears?

Me: Yeah, so?

Jase: He's a CGI muppet. That's all George Lucas cares about. Making a movie with a bunch of muppets.

Me: That's not true, I bet that guy isn't even a big part of the movie.

Jase: Do you remember Return of the Jedi?

Me: Of course. It was awesome, but I see where you're going with this. It was Ewok overkill.

Jase: Two hour of muppets. And some cool Jedi scenes. But muppets everywhere.

Me: He wouldn't...

Jase: Yes. He would. And it will be worse. CGI muppets. EVERYWHERE.

And, of course, she was friggin right. Two solid hours of Jar Jar Binks. Anyway, David goes on to describe the fine art of making "B" quality scifi, as well as the nuances of British humor. He fondly recalls classic genre filmmakers like John Carpenter, and old tools of the trade like models and prosthetics. Sure, CGI has a place in scifi movies, but please give us some balance! Hop on over and read the whole thing. I promise you'll laugh out loud.

The beauty that is Galactica

2006-02-12T22:54:00.000-06:00

It is a rare thing that I rave about a TV show, but the new Battlestar Galactica is something special. First, some background.

I don't actually have a television. About three years ago, we moved from St. Louis to Milwaukee. In order to keep the move light, we sold our TV with the belief that we would ultimately replace it at some point. But somehow, we never did. Each time we thought about buying a new one, we remembered the $80/month cable service with 500 channels and almost nothing worth watching.

(Note: yes, I am a sports fan. Not a fanatic, but certainly a fan. And yes, cable has MANY ESPN's. But, crazy me, I actually like to watch the sport and not a bunch of dudes sitting around TALKING about the sport. I know this makes me weird...)

So, I built us a home theater PC so we could at least watch DVD's. Did I mention I'm a movie nut? As time passed, every now and again I'd hear about a new TV show that sounded interesting. Not interesting enough to buy a TV, but certainly interesting enough to download. And so began our "TV on Demand" via Usenet. Yes, Usenet. Truly the ass end of the internet. Right up there with IRC. If the World Wide Web is the brightly lit, shimmering Las Vegas strip of the internet, Usenet is the dome-covered, filthy and seedy downtown. In the beginning, downloading was a cumbersome process requiring several hours just to get one TV show. But last year I made an all-important discovery that completely redefined the way my wife and I enjoy television entertainment. Bittorrent. (Feel free to read all about the essentials of file-sharing over at Slyck.) Suddenly, what was once a six-hour chow line for bread and water, was now the finest seafood all-you-can-eat buffet. Any popular show that I wanted to watch was on my monitor in minutes! And now that we have true TV on-demand, we have turned our living room into a true home theater, complete with wireless HTPC, DLP projector, and sound system. Which brings me back to our favorite show:

Battlestar Galactica.

Forget Richard Hatch and Dirk Benedict in capes strutting to disco music with the Wild Kingdom guy in the background. This Galatica kept the ideas, but ditched the cheese. And even though this is sci-fi action at it's best, it is a CHARACTER DRIVEN show! But is it good, you ask? Well, I'll give you a glimpse into my weekly TV habits, and you decide if my tastes align with yours. 4400, Dead Zone, Carnivale (before cancellation), Lost, Invasion, Bones. And Galactica tops them all. It is the best genre series in the past decade and quite possibly......ever. Anyway, the last episode was so good, that I was actually driven to evangelize. So go right now to your nearest Best Buy or Circuit City and pick up a copy of the Miniseries, Season 1, and Season 2.0 DVD's. Then, after you have been hooked, turn on your TV, program your Tivo, or start downloading. You won't regret it.

Twenty Questions

2006-02-09T00:22:00.000-06:00

Richmond over at One For The Road tagged me with this 20 Questions deal. Since I don't know any blogger other than her, I will......tag her back.

1. Best memory?
Walking into our first house for the first time with my wife. Very vivid. We just walked from room to room grinning at each other. And this place is a dump!

2. Most terrible day?
Hmmm, I've got a few painful ones that are a bit private for the blogosphere. However, I do have a particularly painful memory of having a stent removed from my bladder (the hard way) while I was fully conscious. In fact, now I remember, I was given local anesthesia when they first put the stent in me. I asked the doctor why the anesthesia, and he said, "This would be FAR too painful for you to be conscious." But they could take it out with me awake?! That was BULLSH*T! Now, I'm pissed about that again. And that was 10 years ago!

3. Birth City? Inglewood, California

4. Favorite thing to do?
Discuss my plans for corporate domination with my good buddy Shane. And when I'm not doing that, I watch A LOT of movies.

5. Hollywood Crush? and why?
Angelina Jolie. Pregnant or no, she is hot. For anyone who disagrees, go watch the movie Gia. Right now. Go to Netflix and rent it. However, I qualify this statement by saying that she is not a crush. She's just a pretty face. I don't think any of the Hollywood-types are really interesting.

6. Favorite food?
Soft tacos with pork, onion & cilantro.

7. City you want to visit most and why?
Any city in Spain. I'm in love with Spain and I've never even been there. For great Spanish scenery, check out the movie Sexy Beast (2000).

8. Fantasy/dream that you want to come true?
I start a business that I have to sell in ten years because it grows so fast that I can't keep up with it. We use the proceeds to buy a bunch of property. Meanwhile, my wife tours the country as a pop-geneticist a la Carl Sagan, writes a few books, and makes millions. We later retire to a five-acre villa in Belize.

9. Favorite sport?
Boxing. I like NBA basketball too, but there's nothing like watching two dudes beat the living crap out of each other with nothing other than their fists.

10. How long have you been married? Four years in April.

12. Favorite song and why?
Take Me With U - Prince - Purple Rain 1984
It's just an awesome song. Second Favorite is D'Angelo's remake of Cruisin' by Smokey Robinson.

13. Someone you most admire?
Avery Brooks. Played Ben Sisko on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine for seven years. This was the first black drama to remain on the air for longer than one season. For once on television, there was a black man who was shown raising and educating his son. My impression was that Avery Brooks asserted quite a bit of creative control with his character and refused to give in to portraying any sterotypes. But who am I kidding, this was just science fiction.

14. Someone you hate and why?
Hate is a strong word. Who would I fight is a better question. I would fight George W. Bush. He's seems like a tough guy, so I'd like to go a couple of rounds with him.

15. Secret crush?
My wife. I hope she doesn't read this...

16. One (maybe 2) rule/s you live by?
1) No regrets. Life is too short.
2) Don't sweat the small stuff. It ain't worth it.

17. Do you believe in God? No, but he probably believes in me. (SIGH)

18. A dark secret (we won't tell)...
Secrets kill. Really. I have none.

19. Most treasured item and why?
The stuff you own ends up owning you. (Brad Pitt, Fight Club - 1999). I don't own anything that I can't drop in 30 seconds if I see the heat around the corner. (Robert DeNiro, Heat - 1995).

19. If you could turn back time, what would you do and why?
Nothing I didn't do already.

20. Last but certainly not least, what kind of "work" do you do and do you enjoy it?
I'm a cheerleader, coach, parent, psychologist, teacher, friend, enforcer, thug, and dictator all at the same time. My title is sales manager, and I love it.

They're getting through!

2006-02-08T22:59:00.000-06:00

So I'm a sales manager, right? That means my primary job is to train and develop sales people, and to drive revenue through those sales people. However, on occasion I will run into an opportunity to sell directly to a customer. Maybe we're busy, or maybe my sales staff is at lunch, or whatever. This is frowned upon by the company as it diverts my attention from seven other departments all filled with their own customers and other sales opportunities. Although I agree with the concept, I still get an illicit thrill from selling on my own. Especially when it's something that I really know a lot about. It's my chance to show off a bit, and let the kids know that "the old man still has it."

At about 7pm, a man walked in. We'll call him Ray. I call them all Ray, you see, because I work in Racine. Better known as Ray-town. Ray wandered around a bit before making eye contact and politely beckoning me over. I was all set to find one of my computer guys when it dawned on me that Ray was near the projectors. And if it's one thing that I know, it's projectors. I felt the thrill of the sale and I was powerless to resist it's siren call. Soon he and I were talking like long lost friends about ansi-lumens, high-def resolution, and maximum throw-distance. However, it soon became apparent that we did not have what he needed in-store. And since he was going to have to spend more money than he had originally planned, he would need Mrs. Ray's approval before purchasing anyway. So I took him to a kiosk, showed him what he needed on our web site, and suggested he talk it over with his wife and buy it online. That's when things veered off-course.

Me: "So, here's the printout of what you need. Just hop online when you get home, order it, and it will come right to your door in about a week."

Ray: "I can't come back here and order it?"

Me: "If.....you......really want to, I guess you can. But, you can just do it online at home."

Ray: "I don't have a computer."

Me: "????????"

I wanted to follow-up with a question, but all that came out was a puzzled look (my head slightly cocked and my lips pursed). Sure, I'm aware that even in 2006, some people don't have one computer, much less the four that a geek like me has at home. But this was a man who had talked non-stop tech with me for the last 30 minutes, and who was about to drop $1,500 on a movie projector so he could hook up two video game consoles, a DVD player, and an HDTV! Not quite a luddite.

Ray: "I got rid of all that crap."

Me: "Why, if I might ask?"

Ray: "A pervert got through."

He said this simply and succinctly, as if it were something that happened every day. He might have said, "The harddrive crashed" with the same inflection. I was on a roll tonight. I had just finished talking to a woman with a beard, and now this. Not a bushy beard like someone in the circus or that chick on Carnivale. No, this was more like two days of good stubble. And much like the proverbial train-wreck, I simply could not look away as she talked to me about how she was still waiting for inventory on an item she had a coupon for back in November. And now I was talking to a man who believed a pervert had "got through" his computer. And so, he'd junked the computer in response. I had this mental image of a fat guy with a beard, trench coat and dark glasses trying to crawl through Ray's computer screen and into his house. Laughing would have been wrong, but suppressing it was making my eyes water.

You see, this is what we in the business call "being in denial." A man brings his spy-ware ridden computer in to be serviced. He doesn't delete his internet porn. His wife comes to pick it up. We explain that there were some items we backed up not knowing if they wanted to keep them. She asks what items we're talking about. We NEVER refer to it as your porn or your husband's porn. Simply the indefinite article, "the" porn. NEVER imply ownership of the porn. That way, the husband has the option of claiming that........you guessed it...... A Pervert got through.

Me: "Oh. So you got rid of it, then. The computer."

Ray: "Yup. Don't need that crap anyway."

Me: "I suppose you can come back in to order the projector, then."

Jigga-what?!

2006-02-07T23:02:00.000-06:00

So, I'm at work. One of the customer service chicks asks if I can let her into the back office. I open the door, and as the brushes past me, I swear I feel her hand on my ass. Holding the door open, I look up and notice that she and the Ops Manager are mumbling and laughing about something. As I wonder what they are giggling about, it dawns on me that they are actually talking about ME.

"Did you just grab my ass?" I ask her, while trying to judge from the doorway and my ass if such an accident would have been possible.

"Sorry about brushing your duker", she giggles.

She and the Ops Manager both break into full-blown laughter again. For me, reality slows for a moment as I contemplate the word she just used. Duker?! WTF?!

"I don't know what that word means," I said, thinking that I had stumbled across some form of Wisconsin slang, or better yet, an obscure Racine dialect. I'm not completely stupid, though. I did realize that she was referring to my rear end, if only due to the context of the conversation. But duker? I REALLY needed to understand the origin of this word. I remembered that song by 95-South or Tag Team back in the 90's about Daisy Dukes, but that was an old term, and it meant short-shorts not an ass. Right?

Then she gives me this look. A look that says, "This guy is older than I thought." She smirks at the Ops Manager and says incredulously, "He doesn't know what a duker is?"

The Ops Manager stops laughing and gives me this blank stare. This is probably a good time to interject that both women are probably about 23 or 24 years old.

The Ops Manager starts to smile again and says, "You know.... Where the dukie comes"

"I think I get the reference," I said, interrupting her. "I've just never heard the term before."

Again, the blank stare, now from both women.

"Is that a Racine word?" I ask.

"Don't you listen to music?" the customer service chick responds.

For the first time, I realize that there is a true generational difference between me and the folks I work with. As young as I feel, it would seem that at some point I lost the ability to relate to the Gen Y-ers at some basic level. Do I listen to music?! Was she kidding? Maybe not the pop crap flooding the local KISS-Clear-Channel-FM station, but I listen to music. And I've never heard an ass referred to as a duker before. Just listen to me. I know I'm old because I'm calling pop music crap.

I can hear the music now...

2006-01-24T18:30:00.000-06:00

I think I can brighten any 80's child's day with two words.

Miami Vice

Now, don't get me wrong. I am soooooo tired of modern reimaginings of my beloved childhood TV shows. Sometimes I feel as if all Hollywood writers have collectively been drained of all original ideas. But I think Miami Vice will be different for a couple of reasons:

1. A select few of the "reworked" shows have actually turned out to be enjoyable. Battlestar Galactica is the best example. Best damn show on television. Period.

2. Miami Vice was an EXCELLENT series, and Michael Mann is once again at the helm.
The man who brought us Heat and Collateral, as well as the original series is perhaps the only person who could make the movie.

3. Jamie Foxx. He ranks far higher on the cool-o-meter than Philip Michael Thomas EVER did. And more importantly, he can act! If the trailer is any indication, it looks like Tubbs won't be playing second fiddle to Crocket anymore, and both Foxx and Farrell will have similar amounts of screen time. If anyone has seen Ray, you'll know why I think Jamie Foxx can drive this movie to success.

There's still plenty of reasons to believe this movie will suck, a la Starsky & Hutch, Dukes of Hazard, S.W.A.T., etc. Colin Farrell is a challenge for me to envision as Crockett. Maybe Peter Sarsgaard?

First post!

2006-01-23T17:42:00.000-06:00

Seriously, blogging can't be this easy. Really. It just can't.